The Ultimate Bucket List: You Time
Welcome to 2019! The year is new! The year is young! It’s the time of New Years resolutions to see if some work out or if they don’t. For me this is less of a resolution but more of a wanting to complete my previous task of my bucket list.
One such thing was under the title of You Time. That seems like an odd thing because of it being so broad. You Time is very dependent on the person and their particular interests. Mine had to do with pampering and self-care with a lot of fancy smelling soaps.
I am a tomboy with an Edgar Allan Poe kind of vibe girl, so frilly and girly things don’t come normal. Over the course of me becoming a grown woman I’ve read all about the lavish feelings of giving yourself the time of day. But the part that stuck with me was to put as much effort for you that you would anyone else.
It got me thinking, we give a lot of people our full attention and do our best to make them happy. Whether it be your lover, best friend, classmates, siblings, boss or even that one person who complains too much at your job. We all sacrifice so much time to make sure others are happy so that we are happy.
But that leaves a lot of toxicity in your mind. Built up stress that is not noticed until you take action to dedicate time to yourself and stick with it. If you’re anything like me, when you decide to do this you don’t know which direction to go. You know your interests, your likes and your dislikes, but now it’s time to take yourself on a date. Flatter yourself. But you may realize, you don’t know how.
That’s why my method and why I’m so glad to be crossing this off my bucket list with you! I went the route less traveled interest wise and something very personal to me. I have diagnosed chronic depression and anxiety, in the past, this has led me to not care about my appearance. Often using “I don’t care what people think of me” as my excuse for not brushing my hair or putting on clothes 3 sizes too big. I am engulfed most of the time, hiding my body in every way I can.
For 2019 I have decided no more. I have a lot ahead of me: attending university again, moving, new medicine, and money management. Normal adult things. However, I want to take more time for me this year to get to know me and if I’m lucky? Fall in love with me.
I started by lighting candles: Tropical Getaway and Vanilla Bean. They were two that we had around the house but also happen to make a great aroma combination. This not only immediately put me at ease by wafting my favorite smells. It also created a zen atmosphere where I could feel my muscles relax. The tension in my brow eased, my tongue rested at the bottom of my mouth, my jaw relaxed, things I didn’t notice.
In the water, I added a few drops of Japanese cherry blossom scented oil I received as a Christmas gift and watched the bubbles form. I told my boyfriend this was the next bucket list item I was going to complete. As a nonverbal “good luck” made me tea, smiled and winked as he shut the bathroom door.
The condensation cloud of honey and lemon from my tea and cherry blossom from the steaming bath was enough to clear my head. I turned on Hozier’s album and made the approach to the tub.
I wanted to start the new year fresh, exposed. I wanted to shed my skin and embrace what I disliked most; my body. I assumed it would be the push I needed to get myself on the right track with a goal I could keep. These self-love activities wouldn’t be every day, maybe just once a month. But still, that’s 12 activities, 12 hours, to give myself the attention I deserve.
So I took off my clothes and let the water glide over me as I dipped my body into the bath. The water fizzed, making note of my disturbance but adapted to the shape of me. I was still, my head sinking as I took in the surroundings I had created. My breathing slowing into long deep breaths with my body floating and sinking with the rising and falling of my lungs.
Underwater I was air, the hollowed out sound of music in a world far away. Still being able to hear the words but being far away, yet I was right next to my phone playing the soothing melodies. Less gravity made my muscles relax and not keep me grounded.
Every time I rose, steam would crawl off my skin; the air around me was unkind and cold; keeping me under its warm protection. In it’s atmosphere, as to not be an alien to the kindness yet. I leaned against the edge of the bath, drinking my tea. The slice of lemon pinched my nose when I went to drink but the smooth honey and water warmed my stomach. That being the only cold part of me left.
I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face. Staying until all the bubbles disappeared and my body was left with a bubble sheet over every area. Rinsing off the rest, I am completely smooth, relaxed, and have a glistening body. Instead of my tattoos covering the parts of my figure I disliked the most, they called attention to them. Reflecting the golden flickering of the candles against my glass painted legs and tummy. The colors in them shifting, being as beautiful in this light as they were fresh.
I wrapped my hair, which now had a healthy sheen, in a cotton towel and walked in front of the mirror. My skin was soft and there was no more cracking anywhere I could see as I stared in the mirror. I was not a broken girl at that moment. I was pretty, I was strong, and I felt new.
I didn’t hate who was in the mirror and there was no worry of how fast I should get dry to put clothes on. The turtle leaving its shell was no gorgeous goddess, not some star model, but a girl. A girl who had a body. A body that had a big tummy and thicker thighs that rubbed together when she walked. A body that had love handles and extra weight on her arms. But it was my body. It deserved to have love.
A warm bath and an hour did that for me, so even if you don’t have a bucket list, make your you time high on the 2019 priority list. You’ll never know what might happen if you break down that wall of it being stupid or there being no time for it. You may find some love, it might need a lot of work, but it might be from the person you least expect.