Grow Wild To Be Free
I am working from home to build my business. It takes a lot of time and energy. When I schedule some time away to be at social events or with friends, I try to make it enjoyable.
I look forward to catching up with my friends when our paths cross. If there is time for coffee, even better. Most of the time, this is a good experience; however, it is not always the case.
When the discussion goes in a direction which I am not comfortable with; I will become quiet. I may try to change the topic. When that works, I feel better about spending time with my friends. Once in a while, things don’t return to the friend zone. As a result, I am often left processing the conversation over in my mind. If it bothers me enough, I will get angry, but not at the moment. I will analyze the situation after the fact. I used to do this to obsession until I could confront my friend with tears in my eyes, to ask for clarification. I used to take all the blame upon myself.
I allow myself to grow wild, in a safe place. It is important to work through my feelings, on my terms, in my own time. When I need to talk this out, I am prepared. It isn’t always worth having another conversation to hash things out, though. I can be angry after feeling like I am under attack. When this happens, I have to decide how to handle it, the next time I see my friend.
Depending on what people are facing in their personal lives and struggles determines how they interact with others. Some people don’t think about the effects of their words when they speak, and they may not put the same weight into their words or how others interpret what they say.
I am a sensitive person who wears her heart on her sleeve. I don’t have tattoos, but I have learned to embrace my sensitive side. My emotions rule a lot of what I do and say. As I grow older, I am learning to adapt with thicker skin in some situations. Sometimes it is acceptable to take time to be angry if you feel like you are under attack. Then you need to decide what you will do about it.
In the past, I would avoid all conflict, at all costs. Hide and cry. As I grow, I learn that I need to choose when to have that second discussion to clear the air — learning how to forgive and let go. This way I still process my feelings, let myself grow wild and then let myself be free from being stuck in that anger. The result of letting go is that I can be free to continue living my life to accomplish my purpose without becoming stuck in a conversation that the other person may not even remember.
The only reason for having that conversation is if you feel as if they were attacking you. If there is a grey area, it is okay to let it go, if it is not indicating a pattern. If this behaviour becomes a habit, then there are only two choices. Deal with it head on, or walk away. It’s hard to choose, but if your friend is a constant source of conflict in your life, you must decide whether the relationship is healthy. If there is value in the friendship, then take a break from that person, and when you are ready, try again. You don’t have to explain yourself if you want to move forward with the friendship. What you have to do is give yourself time away from the situation before reacting. When you feel you need to be on the defensive, you might cross a line with your friend to make things worse.
As a final thought, remember who you are and what you bring to the table. If your friendships are a balance of giving and taking, then you are doing it right. Apologize when you are wrong and let go of the hard feelings. Decide where the line is if you need to make one. Protect yourself and the friendships you value. They are worth it if you want to move past what may have been a miscommunication.
When you grow wild, you can be free.