A Revision Of My Relationship With My Mother
You may have read my articles “Why You Won’t Get A Mother’s Day Card: An Open Letter To My Mom” and “How 10 Months With My Grandma Taught Me More Than 20 Years With My Parents.” I want to revise the statements made in these articles.
Both of them were written in anger after a harrowing argument with my mom. I harbored a lot of resentment and anger toward her, and I wrote those articles as a response. It was wrong of me to make those public, and for this I apologize. I’m talking to you, Mom.
I have a habit of thinking in extremes, black and whites, and vilifying or making heroes out of people. I was further encouraged in this way of thinking by my grandma, who has the same habits, especially in regard to how she thinks about others.
I want to give reasons I was in the wrong during those arguments. I also want to explain why my mom is awesome.
One of the main ways I was wrong is for publishing something written in the heat of the moment. It was also wrong of me to vilify her. I simply had expectations of her she couldn’t fill. We’re still struggling to figure out how to navigate the stages between the parent-child and the parent-adult relationships, as most mothers and daughters do around my age. I still have an idealistic view of the world and what my parents can and cannot do. I’m learning to see them as human and accept their limitations without faulting them for it.
And now, for ways my mom is awesome:
- She was my sole support for a long time and she never complained.
- She was my emotional support throughout my childhood and taught me that it was okay to feel and express emotions, even though it was hard for me to do so.
- She’s honest.
- She’s always willing to listen unless she mentally can’t handle it.
- She has a unique perspective on complex issues that has allowed me to look for both sides or gray areas in arguments.
- She taught me to try and understand where people are coming from.
- She’s intelligent and encouraged a natural curiosity in me.
- I can always learn something new from her.
- She’s one of the most loving, kind people I have ever met, and still, she doesn’t let people walk all over her or take advantage of her.
- She cares about everyone, genuinely, and goes out of her way to help others.
- She sticks by her morals, even when it’s hard.
- She showed me aspects of the person I want to be.
- She’s emotionally strong and resilient.
- She raised me; I was not the easiest child to deal with!
Mom, I sincerely apologize for those two articles. You are not the villain I made you out to be. You’re human, just like everyone else, and you have your shortcomings and mistakes, like I do. Please accept this article as my apology. I truly appreciate all you do. You have been a very important part of my life, and I would not be the person I am today without your guidance.
And no, Grandma has not been more of a mother to me than you have been. That was a melodramatic statement that is wholly untrue.