To A Person Suffering With Or Without Anxiety
I want you to know you are an amazing person. I wanted to tell you we have bad days in this life, and that doesn’t mean you are a bad person. It does not mean you have a bad life. I want you to know I, too, have had bad days. I, too, have fallen down. I, too, have risen. You can’t rush something like this… Anxiety is more than just thinking… It’s more than just overwhelming sensations. It’s more than what people perceive.
I have anxiety. I have panic attacks. I have chronic, obsessive, and intrusive thoughts. Does that make me a different person than you? No. I am still a person. One day, I will want to clean my house. An hour into cleaning, I have to stop. I can’t focus anymore. I can’t find the motivation to finish the task I had started. I call it “O.C.C.D” Obsessive Compulsive Cleaning Disorder. For all I know, it’s a real disorder. Everything has to be neat and tidy. The way it was left the day before. Even if it’s messy. It has to be left the same way. I clean it, but then by the end of the day, it is back to the same place it was before.
However, another thing about anxiety…. hmm. I have to write everything down. I have multiple calendars, not including my planner, and phone. I have reminders and alarms set up. I need to have things happen in the same order. When I am thrown out of my routine, I go a little wonky.
I have to plan my day ahead. I have to leave at the same time. I have to give myself enough time to get there. If it’s snowing or raining or extremely dark outside, you can find me huddled up in blankets because I am suddenly cold and not feeling well. There are so many things anxiety affects. It doesn’t just mean you’re a hypochondriac and there is always something wrong with you.
When I have a panic attack, I don’t want to be touched. I don’t want to be held. I don’t want to be spoken to. I just want to be in quiet. I want to be calmed down in my own time. I don’t like how people can constantly say, “Oh you are fine. You’re okay.” The worst thing you can say to someone who is suffering from anxiety is “don’t worry.” That’s a trigger. It sets things off in our minds. It’s like we are standing, covered in gasoline and you just lit a match and threw it in our direction.