Be Careful What You Ask For
You’re just flipping channels as usual when a friend texts you to tell you there is something interesting going on over on C-Span. You wonder if your friend might be pranking you since they know how curious you can be, but you flip over to C-Span anyways.
You are slack-jawed as you see a man who could be your grandfather, with grey hair and beard masking lines on his face from a life lived fully. He’s dressed in a suit that is fancier than anything your grandfather would ever wear and with a noticeable pack of cigarettes in the breast pocket. As you listen, the hosts explain that the elderly gentleman has been called before Congress at random to let them know how they are doing. You set the remote down as they call him in to testify, curious to see what he will say.
The elderly man sits down at the table before Congress, setting his pack of cigarettes on the table. The Majority leader of the Senate starts to remind him that there is no smoking in the building.
The man cracks a smile just before he speaks. “Mr. Turtle, nice of you to find time to pull yourself out of our president’s ass to be present. Now, after being through three wars and with more training than any of your students here today I will say I will smoke if I choose, and if you raise that gavel it is going where the sun doesn’t shine.”
The whole of the combined gathered Congress is left speechless at this. The politicians try to find a way to regain control of the proceedings.
“Don’t even bother trying to control me. You’ve failed to do your job,” he says confidently. “Trying to control me is going to be just another failure in your life books.”Everyone’s jaws drop.
Someone in the back manages to eventually ask stutteringly, “What do you mean by that?”
“Which part, jackass? The part where you were elected to represent the people of your state and yet line your own pockets instead of doing your jobs? Or how the majority of you claim to be Christians yet act oppositely?” the old man fires back.
“That’s a pretty big thing to say, but there is no way you can back it up,” a politician regaining his composure replies confidently.
The old man laughs at the politician before answering, “Sonny boy, I have an accountant friend that showed me how you all do it. If you think anything I have to say here isn’t already provable or that I am just a senile old man then you are stupider than you look.”
“If we are so bad, why bother showing up here today?” one of the senior Congressmen manages to ask.
The old man chuckles again before replying, “You guys are stupider than you look on TV.”
A security person puts his hand on his shoulder as if to tell him to stop. The old man simply lifts his hand, and in the blink of an eye has the guard begging for mercy as the old man is bending his middle finger backward with no effort.
“Now, I told you that your security didn’t have the training to deal with me. Please don’t make me give a more thorough lesson than this. Secondly, I came simply so that maybe if you knew the old and young are getting tired of your greed and stupidity you might do your jobs. Whether you do or not remains to be seen.” The security guard is still at the old man’s feet begging for mercy.
With that you see him get up and walk out as Congress and reporters try to ask him further questions. Then he just seems to fade into the world looking like everyone else, leaving Congress to wonder if their idea was such a good one in the first place.