Online dating has been around for a while now. It’s great if you have social anxiety; you can’t seem to talk to someone that may be a great potential match in person. Right? If you’re able to send them a text or a message – no harm, no foul. If only that were the case. Many issues come along with online dating and more developments every day.

A current and unfortunate trend with online dating right now is “ghosting.” If you haven’t heard of ghosting yet, it’s when the person you’re talking to, or in some cases, the person you’re dating, disappears. They may back away from conversations, stop answering calls, messages get shorter, talking time is sparse, messages are hours apart, and you’re no longer the apple of their eye. Then, one day, they’re gone. There’s no way for you to contact them.

Ghosting has picked up so much there is an MTV show called “Ghosted: Love Gone Missing.” The hosts will contact the person that’s ghosted, someone they call “The Haunted,” and try to find out what happened. Why did this person disappear? In most cases, the hosts can contact the “Ghost,” and it’s an issue that could be resolved with communication. Of course, in some cases, the person was a jerk.

There might be a better word for it than “jerk,” but let’s stay professional here. The “Haunted” always seem distraught. They don’t understand what happened – which is what happens in the real world, too. There’s no closure, no answer, and no way to find out if there is an answer. There’s nothing. It’s as if the person you were in love with a week ago was nothing but a ghost. 

Due to the lack of closure, it’s easier to hold onto this person. They may be on a pedestal in your mind. Everything about them was perfect. The relationship seemed perfect, so you must have done something wrong? Step one, STOP. The cold hard truth, if someone didn’t have the respect to tell you everything was over, they were never perfect.

No one is perfect. Expecting perfection is detrimental in a relationship, as well. It’s also detrimental to cut off contact with someone. This is on them. It’s not on you. If you did something that made them this upset, in a healthy relationship, this is a discussion. In a good relationship, people talk with one another. They can have discussions and arguments without worrying about someone else disappearing.

If you’ve been ghosted, it may be helpful to know you’re not alone. There have been enough that there have been preliminary studies among adults that have been ghosted and the psychological correlations. It’s not just you. A study showed that adults who have been ghosted had a decrease in satisfaction with life, along with an increase in loneliness and helplessness.

Loneliness and helplessness are natural feelings to come along with being ghosted. You put your heart into this person. You may have trusted them. How could they do this to you? The loneliness increases. You may have talked to this person often. They could have become someone you saw a future with. Falling in love, or believing it’s love, to have it disappear without a trace can leave you feeling lonely. This person you talked to and told everything to is no longer there. 

Helplessness increases. There’s no way to contact them. There’s no way to know if they’re okay. You don’t know if you did something wrong or if they had something tragic happen. You may never get the answers to your questions.

Easier said than done, but the best thing you can do? Let the “ghost” go. Realize that you have more to live for. This person wasn’t meant to be with you. They didn’t show you the same respect you gave them. Even with all the unanswered questions, channel this into something more positive. You gave them everything- they left you with nothing. Overall, this is a breakup. 

Go through the stages of grief. Feel angry, feel sad, then even with these questions going unanswered, accept that it’s over.

Another trend, less heard of than ghosting, is “zombie-ing.” Your ghost left, however long ago, right when you’re ready to move on, you hear that ping. You look down at your phone, and your ghost has come back to life. Let’s put a stop to it here. Treat this Zombie the same way they treated you when they decide to ghost. You may think you’ll get answers to your questions, but you may get a book of excuses. Don’t give in to the temptation.

Let your ghost stay as they were, and hold your head up high, walk away, and don’t look back. If they didn’t respect you enough the first time around, don’t give them a chance to disrespect you in the same way. Say your goodbye to them- to yourself.

Photo courtesy of Gabriel via Unsplash