While there are people who start their holiday decorating the moment Thanksgiving is over, there are some like me. I do not like Christmas. As Scrooge-like as that sounds, my dislike for the winter holidays isn’t about the holiday itself. Christmas forces people to focus on others and ignore themselves.

But isn’t that the point of Christmas?

Yes. Christmas is about being there with your family and giving back to the ones you love. But shouldn’t you be putting yourself in the category of “ones you love?” All too often, people get stressed out in December because of the pressure of giving back. In the chaos that is Christmas shopping, planning, and traveling, there isn’t any time to calm down.

When winter rolls back around, increasing stress follows. Not only are the days shorter, and the pressure to buy, buy, buy runs rampant, we are all expected to act happy. Jolly even. I’m not discouraging happiness, but I do have a problem with faking it at the cost of one’s mental health.

Holidays bring out both good and bad emotions for me. I didn’t always dislike Christmas this much. I have fond childhood memories of celebrating it. But recent traumas like my parent’s divorce and a serious Eating Disorder dulled my appreciation. Rather than facing my problems, I chose denial. Every day was full of fake joy because it was easier. I ignored that I was in pain for the sake of making others happy. It was exhausting, and it only made things worse the next year.

So this year, I am making it a goal to put myself first. And I am encouraging everyone to do the same. The holidays do not have to be full of stress if you take the time to put less pressure on yourself.

First, you do not have to buy gifts for everyone. Society might have you believe that your next-door neighbor is making cookies for everybody. They are not. They are trying to decide what to get for their Aunt, and don’t have time, like you.

Not all gifts are physical. Sometimes a phone call means more than a gift card. Other times, sharing a cup of coffee in the middle of the madness can be a nice gesture. Being genuine and polite to the person checking out your groceries is a wonderful thing. Small, attainable goals.

Do not overbook yourself. You may feel obligated to go to every party. But if you are being invited by a true friend, then they will understand if you are unable to make it, regardless of the reason. Everyone knows that this time of year is a busy one. Make an apology later, and don’t dwell.

Give yourself a gift. I like scheduling haircuts because they make me feel fancy. Anything that makes you feel better is good. It might be locking yourself inside with your favorite movie and take-out. Making an appointment with your therapist is a healthy way to help process your feelings. It could be turning your phone off for an hour and taking a nap. If naps aren’t possible, go to bed an hour early. Get creative.

Lastly, remember that Christmas is just a day. I can’t be with both my parents all day on Christmas. But they know that the important thing is I spend time with them. If someone makes you feel guilty for not being with them on a certain day, I would suggest cutting them out. Making time to see someone is hard enough. Forget time constraints. The day before, a week after, it doesn’t matter. Celebrate when you want.

No two people experience holidays the same. If Christmas makes you happy, then keep doing what you’re doing. Spread your joy with someone who might be having a hard time. If you can’t wait for the holiday season to be over, figure out how to make the time pass with more ease. But don’t hide behind fake feelings. Admitting your holiday stress is admirable. People will respect you for taking the time to make yourself happy. You might inspire someone who feels the same way you do. Self-care is not selfish. Putting yourself first helps more than only you.