Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, and Part 5.

It was well after dark when we pulled into my driveway.

“Mike, do you want me to drive you home?”

“No, Ryan. I need to walk and clear my head,” he said, staring out the window, failure and sorrow etched into his face. He got out of the car, leaving me in the passenger seat.

“I love you, Ryce and Beans,” and without so much as one last glance at me, he disappeared into the darkness of the night.

“I love you too,” I whispered back and once again began to bawl my heart out. It was another hour before I managed to drag myself out of the car, and when I reached the front door, there was a note from Brittney wedged in the door frame.

Ryan,

What the flying fuck, man? Okay, I was wrong. I don’t know why I didn’t think you would be mad. Shit! Meet me here tomorrow so I can fill you in on what happened after you left. No bull, just honest to God truth. Not my kind of truth, but my Daddy’s kind.

Brittney

I crumpled the letter and stomped into the kitchen to erase the messages the school had undoubtedly left about my fight with Brittney. But, as it seemed, my life was getting worse as the day progressed. There was my father standing by the machine, wearing his angry face. I turned and walked out of the room. This time, he followed me.

“Ryan, what the hell has gotten into you? First fighting with Michael, then running away and blowing insane amounts of cash on only God knows what. Now I’m getting phone calls from school saying you’ve been fighting with Brittney and skipping classes. You have some serious explaining to do. So get your ass back over here and start talking, or we can go to Dr. Thorgood!”

“Well, Mr. Harper, oops, I mean Matt,” I said, imitating the way Brittney had spoken to him on that fateful Friday night, “with a father, best friend, mother, and boyfriend like mine, sometimes a girl has to get away. I’m much older than you think in more ways than you can imagine,” I snickered as I watched the recognition flash in my father’s eyes. I turned to head upstairs.

“GET BACK HERE, DAMNIT! What is that supposed to mean? ARE YOU ON DRUGS?” He was playing dumb, and it was pissing me off.

“For such a brilliant businessman, you are so FUCKING dumb. I saw you fucking around with Brittney. I watched you throw all regards for your only daughter out the window. I left before I could see any more because I was so disgusted. Then, come to find out that she was here the entire time I was gone. God, I don’t even want to imagine what sick shit the two of you were doing here. But it’s okay. Brittney’s meeting me here tomorrow during lunch to let me in on all the raunchy details.” I threw the crumpled note at him and headed towards the front door. “Oh and F.Y.I., that little bitch knew I was watching the entire time. She smiled at me; she had been telling me for months that she would seduce you.”

I slammed the front door and contemplated never returning. I still had plenty of money left, and my life at home was over. I thought of going to the police, but Brittney was 18. I considered telling Mrs. Shaughnessy what a wicked little slut her daughter had become, but part of me knew she already knew that.

 I was an emotional mess with no one to turn to. I couldn’t believe what my life had become. There were three more months until graduation, but I didn’t know if I could stomach to stay around that long. Maybe I could convince my counselor to let me graduate early. I already had all of the credits I needed. As I got lost in my head and planned my escape route, the rest of my body shifted into autopilot. Before I realized it or had time to stop myself, I was parking my car outside of Michael’s house. I was just about to knock when I heard someone whisper my name and startle me back to reality.

“Ryce and Beans? What are you doing here?” It was Ethan, Michael’s 12-year-old brother.

“Um…well, I don’t know why I’m here. I kinda just showed up.” God, I felt stupid, but it was the truth. I had no idea how or why I had arrived at this particular place.

“Man, you two are so weird,” Ethan chuckled “no wonder mom and Bob want him to hurry up and marry you before he does something to screw it up.”

“They want him to marry me?”

“Uh DUH! Bob took him to Tiffany’s during Christmas to buy the ring. Stop pretending like you haven’t been planning the wedding and picking out dresses all spring break.”

“I…”

“Oh, whatever. I think it’s all stupid. Why settle down when he could have all those hot college babes? No offense,” he added when he realized that he was talking to me.

“None taken. You’re 12, so of course, you don’t understand.” I started to laugh as he stuck his tongue out at me. I hadn’t intended it to come out as an insult, but I could see why he would take it that way. “No offense, E-man. I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Sure you didn’t,” he mused.

“So, do you know where Michael is?” I figured since I was here, I might as well tell him what’s going on. It might do me some good to let go of part of the pain I was feeling.

“I don’t know. I saw that pansy walking around mumbling something about the good old days. He’s such a queer. He was walking, so he probably didn’t go far.”

“He’s not a queer. He’s amazing.”

“Queer!” he coughed.

“Good night Ethan,” I grinned.

“Night Ryce and Beans. When you’re ready for a real man, you know where to find me.”

“Okay, I’ll call when I think jail time sounds like a good idea,” I laughed as I slammed the door shut.

“I’m wearing you down!” he shouted as I drove away.

I drove to several different places that had meaning to us. He wasn’t at the ice cream shop or the skating rink. He wasn’t at the park or the high school. I was running out of places and ideas. Why was this so hard? I was about to give up and go home to wallow in my room. Then the theme song from the movie Top Gun came on. Instantly, I knew where he was.

When we were kids, Michael was obsessed with the movie. Every day after school, we would play “Top Gun” on the swings. We’d reenact the scene where Goose died during the practice drill. So we would swing as high as our little legs would carry us, and then he would yell “EJECT! EJECT!” at the top of his lungs, and we would jump off the swings. Of course, since I was Goose and he was Maverick. When I landed, I had to twist my body into an awkward position and wait for him to “swim” across the rocks and try to save me. Sometimes he followed the script, and Goose died. Other days I lived.

As I pulled into the parking lot that faced our old elementary school playground, I made sure to dim my lights and turn off my radio. There was this one elderly couple that lived for calling the police on teens who were trespassing on school property. When I got out of the car, I could see Michael’s silhouette against the late evening dew of the freshly watered grass. Although I couldn’t see his face, I could tell that he was crying by how his shoulders moved up and down. I was tempted to turn around and drive away, but Michael had been right. We did need each other. So I inhaled, taking in all the courage the night air could provide me with, and exhaled, this time expelling all my fears. I walked towards him, debating on what to say and how to say it. By the time I’d reached him, I’d settled on saying the first thing that came to mind.

“No, no, no, no, there are two o’s in goose boys,” I shouted, doing my best Anthony Edwards impression.

“We haven’t played Top Gun in years,” Michael responded without looking up.

“Well, that tends to happen when the school systems deem it inappropriate for children over the age of 11 to have recess.”

“We never played it during recess anyway.”

“Must you be so technical?”

“That is how I got into Stanford.”

“Hmm, and here I thought all this time it was because they needed Jewish boys who could run?!”

“Haha, not every dark curly-haired person who can balance a checkbook is Jewish, Ryan.”

“Really?”

It felt good to laugh and joke with Michael. I didn’t realize how much I missed and craved our connection over the past week. I could see the tension between us floating away. Instinctually, I grabbed Michael’s hand; it was like nothing between us had changed. That is until he kissed my hand and let it go, then he got up from the swings and started to walk away.

“Michael?!” I pleaded.

“Ryan, I can’t do this. I can’t have you trying to comfort me when I’m the one that fucked everything up,” he was crying again, and all I wanted to do was kiss him.

“It was an accident! A stupid mistake, and I forgive you.” I had no idea why I was saying that, but the moment the words left my mouth, I knew they were true. “You didn’t set out to hurt me on purpose like my parents and Brittney did. That’s why I forgive you and love you.”

 I closed the distance between us, and once I reached him, I timidly kissed his lips. It was my way of letting him know that I need him, all of him. As I deepened the kiss, I felt his erection start to grow, and I knew that everything would be alright in the world, even if it were just for that moment. But then he pushed away from me.

“Ryce and Beans, are you sure you want this? I don’t want you to wake up in the morning and regret this.” That was another reason I always loved Michael; he always made sure I was secure and confident in my decisions before going along with them. I was so thankful that he was confirming that we wanted the same thing. Again, I closed the space between us, but there was nothing timid about my kiss this time. And again, Michael pulled away. This time, he laughed at me.

“What? Did you think I was going to throw you down on the rocks and make love to you like some two-cent whore?”

“There’s a picnic table,” I laughed.

“I’m sorry, but I love you, so you’re just going to have to settle for a dimly lit garage apartment, thousand count sheets, and a king-size bed.”

“Always the romantic.”

“Damn right. I want to show you just how much you mean to me.”

“Well, I’m sorry, sir, only a diamond ring from Tiffany’s can do that. So I’ll just settle for your penis tonight.” It wasn’t until after I’d said it that I remembered what Ethan had let slip earlier that evening.

“Ryan, tonight is your lucky night because I have just what you are looking for,” he smiled coyly and then scooped me into a fireman’s carry and raced me back to my car.

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