I Don’t Know What To Do
Trigger Warning: The following article is about the recent protests in America.
Politics are something I avoid talking about. I admit the main reason is that I haven’t committed myself to learn about them. I know and understand that this is wrong. Since I am not politically informed, I don’t insert myself into conversations about politics. I know that I don’t have anything to contribute. Why would I, an ignorant person, pretend to have an opinion? That doesn’t mean I don’t listen. That doesn’t mean that I am unaware that I live my life in politics. But I am not comfortable being verbal.
With political and social turmoil coming to a head, I sat watching it happen without any sense of how to react. What right did I have to say how I feel? Do I know what I’m feeling? I see friends and acquaintances on social media verbalize their beliefs. Whether intended or not, I felt pressured to voice an opinion. But I stayed silent. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t feel right talking about a subject I don’t know. I’m also biased and I know that. I only know (a limited amount) about one side. And even that side I am uncomfortable talking about.
Feeling torn and guilty is exhausting. So I reached out. I asked my friends if feeling ignorant was normal. I told them I didn’t know what to do. They understood. They gave me nonjudgmental suggestions. Suggestions that felt attainable. And I thought, “If I feel this way, others must be feeling this way.” I publicly announced that I didn’t know what to do, but that I was trying to learn.
The outpouring of people who told me they felt the same way was immediate.
I am not writing this to preach. This is for people like me who are afraid to say they don’t know what to do. You are not alone. However, my lack of education and my search for understanding is my own. I’m trying to broaden my opinion. Not change yours.
But it was nice to see that when I put my fear out into the world, it was met with encouragement. Thank you for encouraging me and not judging me. It inspired me to write something. It might help another silent person find their version of a voice. Internal or otherwise. I don’t know what to do. But I’m trying my best.