Father’s Day is supposed to be a happy day for fathers across the country. But that isn’t always the case, especially for those of us that don’t get to see our children regularly or at all. Such as myself.

I wasn’t the greatest dad when I had joint custody of my son, but I learned from it. I just wish I had been given the chance to show that I was understanding better how to be a good dad. But circumstances (mostly) out of my control prevented that. So, I strive every day to make myself into a man my son can be proud to point to and say “that is my dad”.

Even when I get to see him again I still expect that he will consider his adopted family to be family as well. So basically, he will have two dads and two moms.

Being a dad has also given me better insight into how my dad might have felt when he became a dad. We don’t always see eye to eye on how to travel on the path of life, but we enjoy other things together. My mind has to process everything for me to be at peace with it, which is something he doesn’t understand completely. But that is because it is my way of dealing with things, and everyone has their own way.

Sitting here writing this, and even before this, I know that he loves me and he shows it in the way he knows best, as most fathers do with their kids. For me, that would be sitting down with a book with my son. Eventually, it will happen. Maybe not like when he was young, but it will happen.

Not being able to do the things I want to do with him hits home hardest on days like Father’s Day. It also makes me treasure the time I have with my dad all the more. So that even as those days hit me hard, I also have something good to look forward to, like a phone call with my dad, which he is gracious enough to grant me even as I know he doesn’t like to talk on the phone a lot. So, I make sure to try not to ramble on too long.

It also gives me insight on why grandparents never seem the same way to their kids when they are interacting with their grandkids. They have had time to see how things they did with their kids affected them and choose different things.

For me, the day also helps reinvigorate me towards my goal of being the best I can be for my son. It pushes me more as I start to falter at times. Other times it lets me see things I haven’t seen about my life before. Along with ideas for the future. Some you might hear about, and some you might not.

I am sure I am not the first to have thought of things in that way, but people tend to want to be more about the joy of the day with holidays. Looking back, though, is how we grow. That is why those dads that get spoiled on Father’s Day along with those not fortunate enough to should take the time to reflect on themselves as a father figure and a person each year.

*Tips his hat and walks out the door*