Read parts one through twenty-six here.

The walk to the apothecary buzzed with unspoken questions. Upon my announcement of my decision to stay, Dasha insisted on packing my things and helping me take them over.

I have like… two things, Dasha, I said to her. And yet she persisted that I needed her assistance.

I’d never had possessions before. It was interesting how easy it was to become attached to them. My walking staff already felt as if it was a part of me. Cyrus explained that it was because Magic bound it to me. He mused that I’d be able to summon it from anywhere, no matter how separated I became from it.

I limped behind them. My gait was much stronger and faster than it was when I arrived. The air around Cyrus hummed with possibility. The mere promise of Dasha considering to forgive him had filled him with hope. Dasha’s stride was hesitant, lacking its usual bounce.

The day was warm, and light washed the world with a soft, golden haze. It played with the colors of Dasha’s hair and danced across her skin. Cyrus was having a difficult time containing his mirth. He reveled in Dasha’s presence next to his. His hands twitched with the desire to reach out and touch her. What must that be like? I wondered. Other than Linnea, I never had any affection for anyone. But this was something more than that.

People seemed curious to see Cyrus and Dasha walking together and paid me little attention. A few gifted me with passing greetings. But most would break into hurried whispers as we walked by. Dasha pretended not to notice and kept her head up. I couldn’t see her face, but I was sure her signature smile was not in place.

“Here we are,” Cyrus announced, shattering the bubble of silence we’d created around us. He let us in, and we were greeted with colliding scents of various herbs, bubbling of potions, the crackle of a fire, and the tangible feel of… something else—all things I would have to get used to.

Cyrus led us beyond the overstuffed room and through a door in the back. There was a small yard, bursting with all manner of plants and glittering crystals. So many questions ran through my mind, but I held them for another time. There was a small cottage covered in crawling Ivy, which seemed to be our destination.

“Home, sweet home,” Cyrus called out. He opened the door with a flourish and smiled brighter than I knew he could when Dasha crossed the threshold. “After you, Nox.”

I followed Dasha inside. It was larger than I anticipated. The main room was cluttered with more herbs, books, and empty potion vials. Dried flowers adorned most of the available surfaces. There was what appeared to be a small bed on the far side of the room. But it looked untouched.

Dasha busied herself with tidying up. She moved in a familiar way. She knew this space. She was comfortable here. I thought Cyrus would burst with the sight of her in his home again.

“It’s nice to see you in here,” he said, rocking on his heels. “Always cleaning.”

“Old habits die hard, I suppose,” she answered without looking at him. “Nox, you must be tired. That was a long walk. Come and sit.”

I looked between them. Both of them pleaded with me without words. I limped over to the chair Dasha had cleared for me.

“I’ll, uh, fetch us some tea.” She walked back out of the cottage and left us alone.

When I was sure she was gone, I narrowed my eyes on Cyrus.

“I didn’t imagine that, did I?”

“Caught that, did you?” He asked, unable to wipe the smile from his face. He sat next to me and patted my shoulder. I flinched, but he didn’t notice. “You somehow got stuck in between us.”

“Somehow?”

“All right. It would seem we are using you as a buffer while we navigate this new arrangement. There. Happy?”

“I’m never happy,” I answered without thinking.

“Yes, I’m gathering that,” he teased. “Do you think… do you think she’ll forgive me?” He asked while staring at his hands. The jubilant spirit he carried with him on the walk here melted away and was replaced with apprehension and fear.

“I don’t know,” I answered. “She’s never talked to me about it. Whenever she does speak about you—”

“She talks about me?” Cyrus straightened and stared at me. He inched closer to me, and his eyes sparkled with renewed hope. I found myself leaning away, but he leaned closer. “What has she said?”

“Nothing worth mentioning,” I said, using my free hand to block him from coming any closer.

“What has she said,” he repeated.

“She said once that it seemed like you knew what you were doing, and then she seemed to resent that we were becoming more acquainted. That’s it.”

Cyrus was not deterred by this.

“So she does think of me! That’s better than nothing.”

“Why?”

He took a deep breath, and I almost laughed. This was a side of him I’d never seen. He was overcome with… well, with something. He fell back into the chair and melted.

“It’s as I told you before. She is the fire in my soul. If I could go back and do things differently, I’m not sure that I would. What I did was reckless and stupid, but the fear of losing her clouded all of my judgements. Perhaps our love affair did become intense faster than it should have. But I don’t regret that. The worst part of this is that she doesn’t believe in that anymore. She believes that our passion was formulated from the beginning. She’s convinced herself that her love for me wasn’t real.” His voice began to tremble.

I realized that until that moment, I hadn’t believed him either. I didn’t know of the depths of his emotions—how consumed he was by Dasha and how tormented he was by her loss of faith in him. 

“If I never got her back, I would at least want her to know that what we had was real. And how sorry I am for what I tried to do. It was a foolish act of fear. But I would have done anything to keep her from leaving me. What chills my blood in my veins is that she’ll never believe that. That I’ll live on in her heart as someone who deceived her, and that she’ll forget me. So the fact that she says my name—that she speaks of me at all—gives me hope that I still live within her somewhere.”

“I don’t know what that feels like.”

Cyrus opened his mouth to answer but changed his mind. He studied me for a minute, searching his memory for a half-forgotten moment.

“When we first met, you mentioned someone. Livia? Lidia?”

“Linnea,” I breathed without thinking. Every time I uttered her name, I felt a familiar stab deep within my chest. It was a different pain.

“You said she loved you.”

“She did,” I responded. This was not a line of conversation I was ready for.

“Did you love her?”

“I…” No words formed in my mind. I was possessive of Linnea’s memory. Keeping her locked away in my mind was the only way I could keep her safe. It was the only way she would stay with me.

“I don’t know,” I said, with a sudden lump in my throat. Cyrus stared at me, and it became too much. I felt his scrutiny work its way under my skin, poking around inside me. It wound its way deep within, carving through my blood and winding its way into my heart. But besides the broken remnants of a great loss, he’d find nothing.

“She was important to me. She made things bearable and helped me when no one else did,” I continued, ignoring him. “But I don’t know if I loved her. I don’t know if I’ve ever loved anyone.”

“That’s heartbreaking,” Dasha squeaked from the doorway. She held with a silver serving dish. Perched atop it were three mismatched teacups. Steam rose from them in delicate swirls, carrying a sweet scent I didn’t know. Her eyes glistened with tears.

“How long have you been there?” I asked, no surprise in my voice.

“I heard everything.”