Grieving At Christmas
I lost my baby sister two years ago this past August. And it hasn’t gotten easier, the grief is no longer all-consuming but anniversaries, birthdays, the holidays, and whenever she crosses my mind it’s like it just happened. My sister had the biggest heart, but she was an addict, and on August 2nd, 2017, she died because she was sold a batch of heroin that was laced with fentanyl. Like that, her life was lost.
There are days when I think about her, and I start to cry alone in the living room or my bedroom. No one knows how much or that I do at all. I’m sure my parents and brothers do the same. But it’s at Christmas when everything hurts the most. Christmas is about family. Memories come flooding back, good and bad. I’m thankful for the good and the bad as well. Christmas is a time when you’re supposed to be happy, but I’m not. (In the infamous words of Charlie Brown) I feel a kind of emptiness: a hole, a place missing in my life that she used to fill.
So this Christmas, if you’re missing someone who’s gone, take time to grieve if you need to. Know you don’t always have to put on a happy face. If your family is really your family, they’ll understand. It’s okay to be sad, to be angry, to cry. Do whatever you need to get through.
As I know I will be weeping into my pillow tonight for another Christmas gone by without my sister in it; I will try to also remember the good times we had today. My sister will forever be in mind, my heart, and my memories. She will never be forgotten as long as we’re alive to remember her. I love you, Mary…always.