My wish for you was nothing more than happiness. I thought I could bring it to you. I was wrong. I broke you time and time again. If anything, my wish would be to turn back time. I would explain things better. I would let you know the truth about everything in my life. There was so little I didn’t tell you, yet there was so much.
My pride ruled my life. Pride is a filthy thing, isn’t it? Pride never leads to happiness. Hearts get broken. Lives feel as though they’re destroyed. I know I’ll be able to move on without you, but it’s a choice. I don’t want to. I don’t choose to.
You were never on a pedestal, you were you. I saw you as you were, the imperfections, the way you saw yourself. You never believed you were good enough, attractive enough, smart enough, good enough. I saw you differently.
Your facade didn’t mask what you were, what you are. Your imperfections make you beautiful. You will never believe that you are enough, you are worthy of the love you are given. Every time I heard your voice, I would melt.
Your heart was in it, each time I heard your voice, I heard your heart. I heard your pain. You wanted to give your love. You have so much love to give, yet you don’t acknowledge your worth. You don’t understand how much you’re worth.
When you’re told of your beauty, you deny it. There’s nothing about you that isn’t beautiful. Beauty doesn’t rest in your physical appearance. It lies in your character. You’ve said before, you feel as though you’re the one that’s a friend, good for one thing and nothing more.
I didn’t help with your feeling about that. I didn’t change the way you felt about yourself. I don’t know if you wanted me to.
All I ever wanted you to believe is your worth. I want you to believe what you are. You are stunning, inside and out. You are worth the world, yet you’ll never believe that. Chance after chance was given. I ruined every last one of them.
Months passed, and you never gave up on me until the very end. I knew losing you would hurt, losing your faith and trust would destroy me. I never knew it would be this way. You haunt me.
Every thought, you haunt me. It’s been time after time, I’ve tried to move on with others. It is as if you follow me. I think of you constantly. It is impossible to believe you are no longer mine. Each and every night I would talk with you. I didn’t give you the same in return. I should have.
The past can’t be changed. I understand now my wrongdoings. You were never what completed me, but you drove me. I wanted to be better. My desire for you was to be something you could be proud of. Once you told me you made a major step in your life to be something I could be proud of.
You never thought maybe I was the same. I reached out for help to be something you could be proud of. I so desired you to be in my life and imagined it forever. Childish dreams, right? It’s silly to imagine something can last forever.
I relied on you so heavily when I should have been looking at myself. What am I? Who am I? I know who I am. I am strong, resilient, and can walk through hell and come out stronger. I know who I am. It took so long, but I know who I am.
You didn’t push me into it, but you directed me to it. To hell? No, you never directed me to hell. I walked myself through it, and I’m coming out of it. I have pushed myself without letting others in. I walked through it and the feeling of loneliness was overwhelming. Despite the fire and flame, it was dark and cold. I made it through.
I’m still pushing through to the other side, but I am making it. I am going to make it and I am going to be okay.
There is nothing that can hold me back or stop me anymore. I live in a world of regret knowing I never let you in. I didn’t let you in enough. Part of me never expected you to leave. I expected you to be with me through this. We had plans reaching so far out. I let you down every time.
That isn’t who I am now, and it won’t be who I am anymore. Through every broken piece of my heart, I can thank you for teaching me. I’ll never hate you, never grow to resent you. You taught me to be a stronger person. I’ve learned to hold together, to persevere.
I have learned I am worth it. I am worth living in this world. I have persevered, and I can make it. I will make it. I have you to thank for part of this, and part of this to thank myself for.
You never completed me, no relationship ever should. You made me realize my worth, and it’s more than I imagined on my own. Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for being who you are and thank you for helping me to realize who I am.
No matter what becomes of us, I thank you and there will always be room for you in my heart.