Often in friendships, we say something, a friend says something, and it may sting. We may be unaware we’re doing it, but soon after, it’s followed by the phrase, “Just kidding!” That makes the sting die down a bit, but it’s still there. The pain won’t leave from the comment. You’ll ruminate on it later. Whether it’s in that second, or it’s later on.

The comment slithers through your mind, and you can’t make it go away. Yes, they were kidding, but where would that joke come from? There had to be a meaning behind it. No one would come up with a “joke” like that without a meaning something. Are they angry with you? Who knows? Are they upset with you? You may never know.

When someone with anxiety hears one of those jokes, it becomes amplified. It lives in their mind with dozens of other thoughts racing. There are thousands of thoughts going through at one time, and may of them are from the words, “Just kidding!”

Sometimes, “Just kidding” hurts more than the speaker may believe. It’s fun to tease your friends at times. As long as everyone is on the same page, it can be entertaining, and it can be fun. There are times it gets taken too far. It won’t get pointed out by anyone with anxiety, and they may not want to upset anyone. They’ll be afraid of being a “fun killer.”

No one wants to be the person who upsets their friend group. They don’t want to be the person who upsets everyone else. The person may want to keep their friends happy all the time. It doesn’t matter. It’s hard to stand up for someone, but often even harder to stand up for yourself. Many “Just Kidding!” thoughts fly by, and there’s no reason to think about it.

There shouldn’t be any reason to think about it. After all, they said they were, “Just Kidding.” “Just Kidding” thoughts can make you feel isolated. They can make you feel anxious. They can destroy friendships or make you question it. It’s hard to look at things. It’s hard to look back because of the amount of “Just Kidding” thoughts or comments they made.

Remember to think about things before you say them to your friends. Watch their body language. Watch their eyes, pay attention to them, and be sure they know it’s okay to speak up when things are getting out of control. It’s hard to think about things like this, and no one wants to be the “bad guy.” These “Just kidding” jokes don’t make anyone a bad person, but please watch, please remember, there are times they DO hurt.