Years ago, I was the victim of a sexual assault. I didn’t know at the time how to process. When I opened up the first time about what happened, I didn’t get anyone to listen. I was alone and confused. I was much younger and more impressionable than I am now, and the person that I tried to reach out for help convinced me that I had shown interest, I willingly gave them my phone number, so deep down I must have wanted it to happen.

Being incredibly impressionable and insecure, it was very easy for someone to make me doubt myself. I was embarrassed. The embarrassment helped made stay silent. I managed to keep this painful memory locked away for quite a long time. It wasn’t until I started counseling recently and began talking about the fact that I wasn’t comfortable dating, even though part of me wanted to settle down. I am in my late twenties after all.

If you have been following my page, you’ve probably noticed that I’m a true crime nerd. An article triggered a meltdown. One day, I was scrolling through True Crime Communities, and there happened to be a story about a sex offender in the feed. It triggered nightmares, and I began to unravel. I had talked to my counselor and told her about the way that I was feeling. That I thought I had been “bullied,” as I said, into having sex. He threated someone I loved if I didn’t do what he wanted, and in the end, he was stronger and bigger than me, so attempts to fight were useless. She asked me to describe to her what happened, and eventually, I was successful. I was helped to understand that just because I thought I had feelings for this person, doesn’t negate the fact that I told them I didn’t want to have sex, or that I asked them to stop.

Even though this happened years ago, I’m still shaking typing this. I’m doing this because as sad as it is, someone else needs to hear this.

It’s not okay to abuse a person, regardless of relationship status. Forcible oral and anal sex are also forms of rape. Gender identity and sexual preferences are not factors in rape. Someone cares and someone believes you are telling the truth. You are worthy of love. I’m doing my best to move on with my life. I struggle with this every day, but I know I can fight it.

I Refuse To Be A Victim!