Religion is something I have struggled with my entire life. My upbringing was Christianity, but let me say it was not always pleasant. In fact, it was more of a fear-mongering upbringing. If I didn’t believe in God and worship exactly how demands were, then I would go to Hell—or have demons, and the devil steal me away. In a way, this upbringing traumatized me in some ways.
I like to say that I worship the Greek gods, following a Hellenic path. Truth is, I slack off horribly in my practices. I’ve been lazy about it since I started walking this path, which isn’t a good thing. I know I can do better, I need to do better. But then those thoughts from my childhood come pulsing back into my head. What if I go to Hell? What if I’m following the wrong path? What if God is the only answer, and I die and face eternal damnation?
All gods and goddesses exist, in my opinion. Not everyone agrees with that, and that’s fine. It is my personal belief that the Hebrew God exists, that Hindu deities exist, Norse, Greek, etc. I believe in each and every one of them. I do not worship all, however, because I know there is a distinct difference between worship and belief.
Hellenismos wasn’t always my path after Christianity, though. At first, I found Druidry. Ironically I looked for it because I played a Druid class in World of Warcraft, and wondered if such a thing existed in real life. The class in the game had a healer specialization, and that’s mostly what I looked for at that point in my life. I needed something to heal. So with research I found the Order of Bards, Ovates, and Druids (OBOD), and I never felt more at home. A few years later I joined their Bardic grade, and while I still haven’t finished it, I have all the materials necessary. I just need to find that step, and start again. I view Druidry as a more spiritual path than religious, and I feel that I can mix it with Hellenismos fairly well. After all, Druidry is about nature in some ways, and creativity in others. There are deities in the Greek religion who deal with nature, and the arts.
Along the way in this new path, I have researched and worshiped Celtic deities, Norse deities, and now Greek deities. I have a tattoo in dedication to Loki, the Norse Trickster god, and there are plenty more tattoos I want in devotion to different deities. Mostly I want a tattoo for Hekate, a Greek goddess of magic, ghosts, and the Crossroads. I have a bronze statue in her honor, which sits on my desk by my computer.
I have dabbled in witchcraft, mostly in protection spells to help keep the ones I love safe. But my practice has waned over the years, and I have been disconnected from this path for some time. I still have many of my tarot and oracle decks that I used for giving readings, mostly over Tumblr, but even that has long since faded.
I feel I’ve lost a part of myself on this path, and I know it will be easy to get back into it. I just need to take that first step. To use my cards again, to feel connected to nature and the deities I want to worship, would bring me great happiness that I am missing.