Rest In Peace: You’re Loved
I wish you were here right now. The emotions are too strong to pinpoint which one is more prevalent. Every emotion is overwhelming to me right now. You left too soon, and it’s not fair. Life isn’t fair, and the loss of yours isn’t fair. It was too soon; you’re too young. This all feels surreal.
I want to give you one more hug and let you know that what happened is water under the bridge. It felt like a silly argument, but it wasn’t. The argument was about your alcoholism, wishing you would put down the bottle. People cared about you. We talked to you about your drinking because we cared. It was never meant to be an attack.
We loved you. We still love you, and everyone wishes we could tell you one more time. I wish I could tell you how angry I am with you. Your death was due to the drinking. This shouldn’t have happened. You should have had longer. Turning 30 is when life is going to start, not when it ends. You shouldn’t be dead a month after turning 30.
Thinking back on memories with you, I can’t remember a time you weren’t holding a drink. I feel guilty about the times I drank with you. Was I enabling you then? It’s a sense of guilt that I know isn’t rational. Alcoholism is a disease, and I couldn’t cure it. There’s no way I could have cured it, but I would if I could.
When I think of the times with you, they were fun. They were always fun, and you were the life of the party. People were drawn to you due to your down to earth energy. They wanted to be around you and were comfortable talking to you.
I’m sorry. I want to tell you that I’ve missed you too. I ignored your last message to me, but I knew what was happening. Everything was public; your fight for your life was public to everyone. I wish I would have responded, told you that everything was okay between us. I still cared about you, and you were a great friend. I know that you were a great person.
You may not be on this plane anymore, but I know you can hear me. Maybe, now you can hear me better than you ever did when you were here with us. Your addiction was killing you, and it was killing me. The addiction was killing your friends, your family. You were never alone. We were on the road with you.
I may have stopped our interactions for a while, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t an important part of my life. I watched your fight from a distance. You talked about positivity. You didn’t want people to mourn. All you wanted at the end of your life was to make amends with people, to have peace. You knew your time was coming.
It was hard to believe. I didn’t want to believe it. That could be why I never replied. Maybe it was because I didn’t want to say goodbye. Saying goodbye would have made everything too real. This was something that should not have been real. It wasn’t right for your life to end this way.
I wonder if you were scared. You knew it was coming, but you kept your head up, talked about positivity and love. You taught people about peace and told us we shouldn’t hold onto our anger. I hope you know some of us still loved and forgave you from a distance. We never officialized the amends, but the forgiveness was there.
I do forgive you for everything. Please, hear me now and know that I love you, I forgive you, and I know you’re no longer suffering. Knowing you’re not suffering is the only peace I can find during this time. I want you to know you’re still my friend. I care about you, and I’ll always care. Hear me now, and know you helped me believe in myself and release my anger. I don’t harbor the same hatred towards others that I once did.
There’s no sense in holding onto the anger and pain. You proved to me people can be gone in the blink of an eye. Sometimes, there isn’t time. There isn’t time to wait to forgive. There isn’t time to just forget and forgive. Time is never certain, but death is.
I hope you hear me now and know everything is forgiven. Everything we fought about, it’s over now. You’re my friend, and you’ll live on through all of the hearts you’ve touched. Your loved ones are distraught, but we want nothing more for you to rest in peace and know your pain and disease are gone. We love you, and everything is forgiven. Rest in peace, and we’ll always love you.