It is natural to feel frozen in place. The frustration builds with knowledge of necessary tasks. Frozen, but the ability is inside you. It’s something you’ve always known how to do, but it’s incomplete. You see the people around you moving forward.

Why aren’t they frozen? Why is everything moving? I’m the only one frozen. The clock is ticking, ticking, ticking. I am the only one not in motion. Am I the only one? I am not. I cannot be the only human, not in motion.

I sign online and see what everyone is doing. Their lives look more intricate, exciting, adventurous… exhausting. Adventures, living life should never be exhausting. Even the thought of it is, though. To leave, to put something behind me. What is this? I am gripping onto something.

It looks like a timer. Is it a timer? That clock is ticking. Other people are moving. My timer is standing still. I no longer know how long it’s been standing still. It has been this way for a while.

I look around, and the movement is faster. The world is in continuous motion. That person, that one right there? I saw them. What happened, they’ve changed though. Their life has changed. It has additions, complications. Their additions are different – that’s a marriage. That person is moving away. The world spins.

My timer isn’t ticking. Or is it? Has it been ticking? It’s been ticking this whole time. I look around at my world. There is nothing new, yet everything is new.

The world around me is different. I am different. When did I become a stranger? Who am I? The timer has been ticking the entire time. I have not been frozen in place. My timer never stopped. I have been rewinding it. Trying to live in the past, yet it never stays. No one has been staying in the past with me.

It is time to grow. It is time to expand. Perhaps, if I hit rewind one last time, it will go back to what it was.