“Ollie? You home?”

Natalie pushed open the door after letting herself in with the key Oliver had given her. The apartment smelled like the morning’s coffee and fresh laundry. It was bright inside. Plants filled the generous windows that lined the living room wall. It was much nicer than her own apartment which was why Natalie spent so much time here. Well, that and her best friend, Oliver.

“Oliver?” She tried once more and was greeted by a morose-looking black cat. Natalie bent down to scratch between his ears, and he purred against her hand. “Uh oh. What’s the matter?”

The cat brushed against her legs and then padded off toward the couch. Natalie turned to hang up her coat and when she turned back Oliver was sitting on the couch, with the same morose expression on his face that had previously graced the cat.

“Geez, you do that so quickly. I’m never prepared for it.”

Oliver lifted the corner of his mouth in a half-hearted attempt at a smile. He never shifted in front of her. He said it was too awkward even for best friends. Natalie threw herself down beside him on the couch and tucked her feet underneath her.

“So what is it this time?”

Ollie ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I fell in love.”

“In love?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“Today.”

“Impossible.”

He groaned and pulled his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on top of them. He looked pitiful. 

“It is possible because I did, but it doesn’t matter. I already screwed it up.”

“Oh for goodness’ sake,” Natalie huffed. “Stop being so dramatic.”

“It’s true, Nat. I found the woman of my dreams. We matched on that dating site you insisted I sign up for.”

“Great. So what’s the problem?”

Natalie loved Oliver more than anyone in the world, besides possibly her own mother, but he had a tendency to look on the negative side of things. He wasn’t so much a glass half empty kind of guy as an ‘oh a glass, I’ll probably spill it,’ kind of guy. Natalie patted his head as though he were still a cat.

“We went on a date today, and it was atrocious.”

Natalie rolled her eyes. “It couldn’t possibly have been that bad.”

He huffed loudly, as though she were the one being absurd. “Trust me. In the history of bad dates, this one was the worst.”

“I don’t believe you. And besides, everyone expects first dates to be terrible. Ask her out again.”

Oliver shook his head. “Nope. No way. I wasn’t her type, anyway.”

“What does that mean? How do you know? You matched on the site, didn’t you?”

“She was way out of my league, Nat. She was…” He didn’t bother finishing the sentence and instead looked dreamily off into space.

Natalie gagged a little. “Knock it off. I refuse to believe this girl was that amazing. And anyway, what kind of girl wouldn’t want to be with you?” She batted her eyelashes and pretended to swoon against the couch cushions. It got a laugh out of Oliver.

“Thanks, but that would mean a lot more if you weren’t as gay as the day is long.”

She grinned. “Just because I have no desire to be in a sexual relationship with you, does not mean I can’t see what a wonderful person you are.”

His knees were still pulled up to his chest. He curled up tighter and groaned into his kneecaps. “It was a garbage fire, Natalie.”

She looked him over and attempted to be objective, which was hard considering she had known him since they were five. Ollie had to be peeled off of his mother’s legs by their kindergarten teacher. She had shared her chocolate milk, he had shifted into a parakeet and spent the day on her shoulder. The rest was history.

His good looks were the type that snuck up on you: brown hair, hazel eyes, and average height. It took a while to notice how long his eyelashes were or to witness his real smile, the one Oliver only showed to a select few. There was no way this amazing dream woman had nearly enough time to decide he was not her type. 

“Just tell me what happened.”

He looked at her mournfully and for a minute she thought he might not tell her. But Oliver could never resist telling a story. He stretched out his legs and began:

“I thought a lunch date would be better. Less pressure. We had only messaged back and forth a few times and I’d seen her picture, of course, but it did not do her justice. She walked onto the patio and I swear everything around us slowed down, the wind blew through her hair, the birds started singing.”

Natalie groaned. “Seriously, Oliver? Get to the part where it goes south.”

“Okay, sorry. So she recognized me and came over to the table I reserved for us. Then my brain malfunctioned and I called her my mother’s name.”

“You what?” Natalie threw her head back in dismay. “Well, at least she didn’t know that. I mean the wrong name is bad enough, but your mother’s name? That’s a Freudian nightmare.”

“I told her.”

“You told her?!”

“I don’t know why! The words just spilled out. I confessed it was my mother’s name, and then she crinkled up her nose in what I can only assume was disgust.”

“Can’t say I blame her.”

Oliver moaned and covered his face with his hands. “It gets worse,” he mumbled from behind the safety of his fingers. 

“Go on.”

“She didn’t run away, which was surprising. We ordered, and things were going well for a few minutes. There were no awkward pauses or long silences. I was feeling good! Then I choked.”

“You got nervous?”

“No. I literally choked… on my sandwich! She had to administer the Heimlich maneuver until it flew out and landed on her plate.”

“Oh, dear God.”

“Yep.”

“That is atrocious.”

“I know. I told you.” Oliver had curled back up into the fetal position, his head resting on the cushions beside them. The story almost would have been funny if he didn’t look so depressed. 

“What happened after she saved your life?” Natalie was afraid to know how things could get worse.

“She was very kind about it. Didn’t even make a fuss about the piece of chewed sandwich on her plate, just covered it with her napkin.”

“I like her.”

“Me too!” he wailed. “I told you she was perfect. Anyway, I tried to soldier on and pretend like everything was fine. And she did too for a while, but it was like every question I asked was the wrong one.

“Tell me about your family? Oh, my parents died when I was young. What do you do for work? I was fired recently. Do you have any pets? My dog ran away, and I couldn’t find him. It was a literal conversational nightmare!”

Natalie winced. She hadn’t been there, but now her own stomach was bubbling with second-hand embarrassment. Poor Ollie. 

“And then to top it off, the day which had been sunny and beautiful turned dark and ominous. Before we had a chance to pay the bill, the clouds opened up, dumping buckets of rain on us and the remnants of our lunch. There was even thunder and lightning. It was as though God himself wanted to make sure we understood that this was the worst date in the history of dating.”

They sat in silence, Natalie stroking Oliver’s head. She wasn’t sure when it happened but the sound of purring was the only indication that he had turned back into a cat. Apparently, there wasn’t much more to say.

***

“It’s the curse!” Emma threw her hands in the air, attracting attention from several nearby tables.

“You’re being insane.” 

“I am not insane, Liv. It’s the ‘truth or dare curse’ coming back to bite me in the ass again.” She smacked her hands onto the table, rattling their drinks. 

Liv took a long sip of her margarita before answering. “There is no such thing as a ‘truth or dare curse.’ You made it up. And just because some guy hasn’t called you back does not mean you’re cursed.”

Emma glared at her. “Then explain to me why ever since I didn’t kiss Ben Parker during truth or dare in sixth grade, I have managed to date nothing but assholes and sociopaths.”

“There is a reason I only date women. Men are objectively terrible.”

“Not helpful.”

“Sorry.”

Liv studied her friend as she licked the salt from around her absurdly oversized margarita glass. Emma’s loose curls hung just above her shoulders; they seemed to grow wilder the drunker she got. She was tall and curvy with freckles sprinkled across her collar bones. But it was her eyes that drew people to her—huge, round and dark brown… like a baby deer. Men were suckers for that doe-eyed shit. And if Liv was honest, so was she.

She and Emma had been friends since their freshman year of college. After getting over her disappointment that, for some inexplicable reason, Emma liked dudes, they had become inseparable. And Emma wasn’t wrong. She had a horrible track record with men. But there was no way it was because she shunned some prepubescent kid in middle school. 

“I mean, I literally saved his life and he still didn’t call me!” Emma’s voice had reached maximum volume, and Liv slunk down further in the booth. People were staring. “What more do I have to do? Show up naked?”

That suggestion got a cheer from the table of college bros near the bar. It was time to pour Emma into the back of an Uber and get her home. Liv tossed some bills on the table and came around to Emma’s side. 

“Come on. Time to go.”

Emma stuck out her pouty bottom lip, but slid out of the booth. Liv linked an arm around her waist and they shuffled to the door. 

“I liked this one. He was cute.”

“I know, Em.”

“And he got cuter the more embarrassed he got. He called me his mom’s name and then got all flustered.”

“His mom’s name? You might have dodged a bullet on this one.”

“I thought it was funny. And we had a great conversation! He asked me questions and actually listened to the answers!” She groaned and Liv felt it vibrate through the arm she still had wrapped around Emma’s waist.

“That is rare. I’ll give him that one.”

“I thought this one liked me.” Her voice was small now, and Liv hated hearing her sound this way like she wasn’t good enough. Emma was by far the best person she knew.

“I know, Em. But he’s clearly an idiot if he can’t see how great you are.”

“Thanks.” She rested her head on Liv’s shoulder, which was tricky considering she was about half a foot taller than Liv.

 “I’m not giving up, though.” Her words were starting to slide together.

 Liv patted her back. They took a seat on a bench outside to wait for their car. “Okay, Em.”

“I’m getting right back on that dating app tomorrow, and I’ll find someone better than stupid Oliver who can’t even appreciate a girl who saves his life and runs through a rainstorm with him.”

“You will find someone perfect.”

“I will find someone perfect if it kills me.” 

Liv sincerely hoped it wouldn’t.

Featured image by Allison Christine via Unsplash