Looking For The Good: A Strategy To Deal With Stress
My life is overridden with stress right now. Both good and bad. I figured I would let you know what was going on in my life, as a form of catharsis. I hope it will inspire others that they can make it through the hard times, too.
First, I wanted to mention the bad stress because that’s what everyone focuses on. That way, I can end my article with the good. There are good things in everyone’s life. You must look for it. Learning to appreciate the small stuff goes a long way. And it is something I am still trying to learn, but I am getting better at it.
To start, I am worried about the rainy season in Florida. The rainy season is from April to October, and it rains heavily every day. Why am I worried about it? Because our house was damaged, and we don’t have the money to fix it. So, every time it rains my room becomes a lake. Water drips through the ceiling at a heavy rate and soaks my stuff and the tile floor, this causes stress. It is easy to slip and fall, and it forces me to sleep in the living room with sheer curtains and windows on either side of me. I don’t like windows because they make me feel exposed. It is because of my schizoaffective disorder and paranoid delusions. If you want to learn more about what life is like with schizoaffective disorder, click here to read my article.
Also, when it rains, the Internet is spotty and rarely works for days. This is frustrating because I go to school online and need a reliable Internet connection to do so. If I stayed in Florida, I wouldn’t have that.
I am trying to move to Ohio. The only problem? None of my family will allow me to stay with them. I am only allowed to stay with them for two weeks but nothing on a semi-permanent basis. Not even my parents’ house.
Because of the lack of support, I have been feeling unwanted and like a burden.
I almost hurt my baby cousin. I lost my balance and nearly fell on top of her, which was more traumatizing for me than it was for her. I was sleep deprived because she woke up and screamed bloody murder at 2 am. I hadn’t been able to sleep before or after that.
I need a job. I have never kept one for more than three months due to stress and my mental illness, so that is another stressor.
My voices get worse with stress, which increases my stress. That makes the voices worse. It’s a vicious cycle that’s hard to break.
I am in Ohio, currently visiting family and friends, and getting a lot of stuff done. I renewed my driver’s license for the first time, and I had my friend (whom I hadn’t seen in eight months) over for dinner. I am having a lot more human interaction, which is good for me.
I also have my birthday party planned. An all girl’s event with some of my closest friends and family. Plus, a family brunch, at a later date, to celebrate. I will see my twin brother whom I haven’t seen in a long time. I will see my psychiatrist for the first time in a long time and see my counselor in person.
I am working on myself. More specifically, I am working on not comparing myself to others. I have realized that comparing how my parents treat my brother and how they treat me is very different. But focusing on that will only make me miserable. It doesn’t serve another purpose. So, changing what I focus on will go a long way to make me a happier person.
There are many advantages to being in Ohio. And so many good things to come. Even though I am going through a lot of stress and have cried more than my fair share of tears this week, I am feeling great today. For the first time, in a while, I am feeling optimistic about the future.
I will always appreciate the small blessings such as a good mood in the midst of all the things that have been going wrong lately.
There are always good things to be found, even in the worst of times. Hopefully, you will remember that. It is a lesson I am still learning.