Surgery is never easy. No matter what type of surgery you are having, it can be stressful and scary. In just eight short days, I will be having a major surgery, a hysterectomy. In an attempt to ease some of my fears, and hopefully the fears of others, I decided to write a series of articles that will follow my journey through post-op.

I have had surgeries before, but this one is a little different. During a routine exam, my OB/GYN found cancer, so I don’t really have an option. My6 previous surgeries were when I was much younger, and now, just over a year away from my 50^th birthday, I don’t feel as invincible as I once did. Over the past few weeks, I have been doing a lot of thinking about how much time I have wasted throughout my life, and how much more I want to do with it.

Can you tell yet that I am freaking out just a little? I don’t think it is my upcoming surgery that has me thinking about things. I am sure the big birthday that is almost here isn’t helping, but still, the fear is all too real. I am sure I am not the only one who thinks about things like this when facing a major surgery, so I thought that just maybe, knowing you are not alone with your thoughts may offer some comfort.

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I know the chances of me actually dying during surgery or very minute, in fact, my OB/GYN told me she has never lost a patient in a planned gynecological procedure, but I am a bit of a worrier. I also don’t like to feel out of control as I am sure most people don’t. The loss of control I am feeling makes me want to hold on tighter to the control I do have.

I know I sound dramatic, to say the least. I am an emotional person by nature, and those emotions of mine are running a little crazy. Being a mother of six and a grandmother of five, I don’t want to miss out on seeing my family blossom and grow. To alleviate some of my freakouts that are causing me some major anxiety, I have decided to use the time until my surgery in a productive way. These articles are one way.

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I have also decided to make a plan for what I will do after surgery. This is the perfect opportunity to get into shape and lose those fifty pounds that my forties gave to me. Walking will be an important part of my post op plan. It is also the perfect opportunity to make it a habit. Not only will it be great for recovery, but it will also help to shed those pounds that have become much too clingy.

For the first time, I will join the National Novel Writing Month. I can’t count the number of half-written novels I have written. This is the perfect thing to kick my butt into gear and actually complete a novel. I’ve got to something with all these crazy thoughts running around in my mind!

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I will also write a letter to those I love, just in case. I want them to know how much I love them, and how important they were in my life. I know this is incredibly morbid, but just in case something does go wrong, I want them to know exactly how I feel. I have so much to say but don’t usually take the opportunity to say it.

The most important thing I can do in preparation for surgery is to try to let go of my need for control. To have faith in the doctors, but most importantly, have faith in God’s will. No matter what I want, what He wants for me will happen whether I like it or not. Don’t worry, I have already had a talk with Him.

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You may take this as a neurotic rant of a crazy woman, or hopefully, some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your feelings. The biggest piece of advice I can give is to try to focus your thoughts in a positive way. I won’t be stupid enough to say not to think about it because I know that isn’t an easy thing to do, just try to be productive in the days before to help alleviate the anxiety and fear. Next week I am going to take you with me all the way to pre-op. What an adventure that will be!