To my unborn son…

I sit here feeling your movements as you dance inside my belly. I try to identify the different parts of you that I may be feeling. “Was that an arm or a leg?” “A hand or a foot?” I imagine what it will be like to feel your tiny fingers wrapped around mine. I imagine what you will be like as you age. Will you be more like your dad or more like me? I hope, in many ways, that you are like your dad. Full of imagination and wonder about the world and how it works. Inquisitive about technology and always thinking of a crazy new invention. I hope you’ll love to watch old movies with your dad, particularly the Westerns that I just can’t seem to sit through. I hope you’ll play video games with him and try your hardest to win. I think about how you’ll want to be just like him in so many ways. I imagine you chasing after him as he mows the lawn and wanting to help so badly. Your tiny body pushing a lawnmower that is so much bigger than you. The smile on your face as pride beams through you, “look, mom, I helped dad mow the lawn!” 

Then I hope that you are like me. I hope that you have a natural inclination to help people and see their smiles. That you are kind to everyone you encounter. I hope that you will want to sit and listen to the stories of the elderly rather than run off and do something more fun. They have so many interesting things to share and so many beautiful stories to tell. I hope that you’ll be an animal lover, not just to the cute animals, but to the more rugged ones as well. There’s nothing quite like looking into an animal’s eyes and wondering about the life it leads and feeling a connection to nature. I hope you love to read, and I imagine sitting together, cuddled up in a chair, and reading all of the best books. Will you love Harry Potter as much as I do? 

After so many years of trying, we are getting closer to your arrival. I never thought I would enjoy pregnancy as much as I do. After all, I hear so many women talking of the negative experiences that they had while carrying their own children. However, this journey has been nothing but exciting. We talk a lot about how we imagine you will be. We wonder what likenesses you’ll have to us, but we also wonder what will be different. You have to become your own person, of course. You’ll have different experiences than we did and face different struggles. All of these things will help mold you into who you become.

No matter who you become or the differences you will have between your dad and me, I know that I will always have such a deep and profound love for you. I don’t even know you yet, and I can feel it already. I know that we will always do our best to be supportive and guide you in the right direction. I know that I can’t wait to meet you and watch you grow. I can’t wait to see you smile and hear your laugh and to comfort you when you feel sad or scared. But for now, I wonder. 

Featured image by Author, Brittany Vanderhoef