I have always had this problem, my entire life I’ve wanted to rescue people. Not from imminent danger, but if they’re in a situation and there’s any way I can help, I want to do it. I want to help people with any and everything I can help them with – whether it be financial, emotional, physical, whatever it must be, I want to help them.

I’ve gotten into many sticky situations due to helping people. I’ve put others before myself for a long time. I’ve drained myself trying to make sure that others are at their prime state. I’ve opened myself up to toxic relationships, some of them turning into emotionally abusive relationships – mainly with my friendships.

I’ve never been the type of person to have a high guard. I want to believe everyone is a good person and they’ll always do the right thing. I want to believe people know the difference between right and wrong and they’ll act correctly. When that doesn’t pan out the way I want it to, it becomes heartbreaking.

I’ll dwell on it and blame myself for anyone they’ve hurt. I don’t dwell on the fact they’ve hurt me as well – that’s a deeper subject, something I’m not ready to encounter yet. I’ll fixate on what they’ve done to other people and ways I can help others. Sometimes I must pause and realize that I can’t.

I’m not a superwoman, and will never be. I want to help the world. I want to save people. I want to make it a better place for everyone, but sometimes I can’t do that. Sometimes I can’t save everyone, and I must allow myself to realize that. It is the worst feeling in the world when a situation is out of my control. 

I’ll have nightmares when I can’t fix a situation. It will feel like I’m drowning because I take on their problems as my own. I’ll feel smothered, frustrated, annoyed, and feel useless. My therapist referred to this as a “Helper Personality.” He told me I want to heal people and to make sure that their lives are all right.

He told me that makes me a two on the Enneagram scale, and there’s nothing wrong with that, other than it opens me up to being taken advantage of. People will flock to that. I’ve experienced that on many levels, and it’s heartbreaking every time.

Many times I wish I could change my personality type and be someone else for a few days, or at least a few hours. Wanting to help others has always been a personal downfall, and has caused difficulties while my intentions were good. I’ve always taken the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I’ve recently learned that I can’t do that anymore. It’s caused me mental and physical ailments. It’s caused me to pull back from friendships and relationships, sever ties with people I’ve known for years because I can’t take being taken advantage of any further. I’ve been frustrated with people, and it’s caused quite a bit of anger in my life. Anger that was never there before.

Sometimes the best solution, it seems, is to sit back and do nothing. I’ll never be one of those people. I’ll never be the type that can sit back and do nothing while other people are suffering. I fear I’ll always leave myself open to being taken advantage of until there’s nothing left of me. I will not let that hinder me from trying. I will not let that stop me from helping people when I can.

If anything, I want to make a difference in the world. If I can do that for one person, then that is a successful mission. I don’t want to be saved, but I want others to know there are difficulties and trials to being the helper personality type in the group. There are ups and downs to every personality type, but I’ve always found that the benefits of helping someone greatly outweigh the negative side.