I Am Worthy Of This Life
Every time thoughts of giving you up cross my mind, my heart breaks. I’ve given up on you enough times. I’ve thought of it constantly, every day, I tell myself I need to let you go. I can’t. Giving you up isn’t an option. It isn’t something to think about anymore. Walking away from you feels as though it’s a need. I’ve tried countless times to cut you out of my life.
There have been opportunities. Multiple times, it’s been on the edge. We’ve been hanging by a thread, and I’m still here. I’m always here. I feel like a fool waiting for you. I’ve successfully cut you out before. Once. For a while, you were out of my life. I wasn’t happy about it, but you were gone.
The magnetism didn’t give up. You came back, and it was instantaneous. I couldn’t help it, and you couldn’t help it. Obstacles are coming from every direction. We can’t make us work, but the idea of not having one another is heartbreaking. You bring the best in me, and you bring the worst in me.
You see every side of me, and you’re still here. You continue coming back. I can be self-destructive, a disaster. I can walk myself off the edge, and like the magnet you are, you pull me back. You’ve never let me walk off the edge. You’ve never saved me, either. You’ve pulled me back, but is that saving me? Who knows?
I have to ask myself if the pain is worth it. I know there will be a pain in hanging onto you, but am I no longer know if it’s more painful to hold on or to let go. You’re a part of me now, but you don’t complete me. No one will ever complete me but me. You bring out parts of me I didn’t know existed. They’re both good and terrible. I love myself and hate some things I see you brought out in me.
The frustration builds; we’re not together. We are, though. You may mean the world to me, but it’s destructive. I feel the destruction, and I watch everything go up in flames around us every time we’re together. It doesn’t feel as if it’s burning anymore, though. I see the fire and destruction, the surrounding chaos.
I see the fireworks in the sky despite the smoke from the fire. The smoke is suffocating me, yet the fire is beautiful. I’m attracted to the fire every time you come around. I know I will walk back into it every time. I’m drawn to it, and I’m drawn to you. I expect the burning sensation now. You’re around.
Everything is chaos, but it’s beautiful. You make me see the beauty in the chaos. Once it becomes beautiful, it’s no longer chaotic. It’s just beautiful. You help me see that. I don’t know what to do when it comes to you. Thoughts are racing nonstop.
You’re my best friend and my worst enemy. I love you, and I hate you. What direction are we going? Every direction I go, you’re there. I know I can lose you, but you’ll always come back. I’m no longer afraid of losing you because you do come back.
You’re me. You are my own worst enemy. You know everything about me, and I see you. I see everything you do, and I see what no one else does. I see myself, and I hate it. I love it. It’s a constant war. Some days, I see the beauty; other days, I see the mess. What is this?
This mirror, I see myself again. I know I’ll pull myself back. Every time I feel as though I’m losing myself, I come back. I know who I am. I know what I am. I am something to be proud of, aren’t I? I know I am. I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself, yet I work to do it every day.
I lose myself in the hectic disaster of a life, and I lose myself people-pleasing. I can focus on myself, can’t I? I’m my responsibility, and I know what to do. I know how to solve the issue. I know what to do. I’ll find myself each time.
I am me. I am here. There’s a reason I am here, and I will make it through every obstacle. I know my worth; I need to acknowledge it. I am important; I am loved; I am protected, and I am worth this life.