Content Warnings: Bullying, War, Trauma/PTSD, Emotional/Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Violent Content, Depression. Reader discretion is advised

Disclaimer: This is a work of Fanfiction, as none of the content is my original work. The characters are created by Stephen King and J.R.R Tolkien. The content belongs to MGM and Screen Gems, as the 2013 film remake of Carrie was directed by Kimberly Pierce and produced by Kevin Misher, and additional production is through MGM, Screen Gems, and Misher films as well as distributed by Sony Pictures releasing.

The moment of truth

In all the years that Carrie White existed she would not have imagined she would be in a hobbit hole with thirteen dwarves, a wizard, and a hobbit that must be feeling God knew what. At this moment Carrie leaned against the wall near the sitting room where Gandalf was checking on Bilbo for any bruises. She did her best to not eavesdrop on Gandalf or Bilbo knowing if she were in Bilbo’s shoes, she too would want privacy in their conversation. It was the least she could do for Bilbo among those, despite Gandalf’s assertions, there were others that were still doubtful of Bilbo’s importance in the quest. It only became ten times worse on Carrie given her “witchcraft” that left the dwarves torn between being in awe and being suspicious of her regardless of her not hurting anyone.

It became more evident when, moments earlier, Thorin passed along the contract to Bilbo amid the protests that spilled out. Carrie could only watch as his expression went from bewildered and curious to shock and fear all in a mere matter of seconds from the official document detailing the quest and Smaug. She started to become immensely concerned, hardly paying attention to the whispered conversation taking place between Thorin and Gandalf. That did not matter at this moment as Bilbo’s face started to get pale and clutched his knees doing the best he can to catch his breath. It was close to an expression Carrie herself would have time to time when asked by her gym teacher to climb a rope for physical exercise placed in the spotlight among her classmates before she would become faint to the point of falling on the padded mat.

For this she could dare not remain a silent witness, sympathizing with Bilbo, as concern was written all over her face. “Bilbo?” Carrie asked softly before anyone could notice or chime in, resulting in Bilbo looking at Carrie with an expression indicating shock on a pale face that looked close to being faint or puking his brains out. A few dwarves asked the same with Bilbo reassuring them he was fine. That is until Bofur chimed in, with the best of intentions, explaining more of the dragon Smaug in an informative fashion. This ended with Bilbo standing up before starting to tilt backward as Carrie reacted quickly and used her stretched out a hand to stop him from hitting the floor.

In spite of her good deeds, it made the dwarves more torn to the point of being doubtful if she was here to help them. It was as if no matter how many times she showed her powers in a helpful manner, it was not enough to prove her worth that she was useful in their quest. Carrie could see it in each of their faces and felt the tension as the dwarves in their own conversations would occasionally glance at her but look away if she caught them looking in her direction. Carrie could not blame any of them for being doubtful knowing she was an alien in a foreign land that can potentially hurt them like a ticking time bomb.

The scorching pain of suspicious eyes judging her was enough to remind her of how she was isolated and alone like she was among her classmates amidst their snickers and amused glances. The thought started to bring tears to her eyes when she saw Bilbo leaving the sitting room where Gandalf was. She shoved All thoughts of the dwarves’ suspicious looks and her pain into the back of her mind as concern for Bilbo danced around her head. It fueled her to start following Bilbo without so much as thinking if it would be awkward or rude. Either way, she did not put too much thought as she reasoned it would be better than being eyed with suspicion in awkward silence.

Carrie reached the bedroom and saw the door slightly ajar; enough to where she could see Bilbo on his bed with his back toward her. She started to approach the door, not daring to go further fearing it would be an invasion of his privacy. Before she could even knock Bilbo gave a short and exasperated sigh, shaking his head. “Either you’re the most persistent wizard out there, or a lunatic for trying to get me on this quest, and my answer still stands as no, not—” Bilbo began to say until he took a brief look, realizing it was not Gandalf and was shocked to see her. “Oh! Um, hey, Carrie,” Bilbo added unsure and speechless what to say, leaving Carrie to feel embarrassed wondering if she was invading personal space as the last thing she wanted was to make him uncomfortable.

“I know you don’t know me, and I have caused enough trouble in your house. I just wanted to check on you and make sure you’re okay,” Carrie said after a moment of silence as Bilbo still had that speechless look on his face. He nodded.

“Well thank you… That’s very kind of you Carrie,” Bilbo said as he gave a slight smile, the tired expression on his face there from lack of sleep. Carrie could tell, as she looked at his face, he was like her in many ways. Someone that was as scared as she is about this quest; an ordinary being she emphasized with. Even if all she experienced in her life was abuse from her mother and classmates, she, too, desired to live and maintain a normal life from the comforts of home.

Carrie was about to turn away to leave Bilbo alone, feeling herself get a bit tired when she stopped and turned back to face him. “I know there’s nothing I could say that would change your mind about joining this journey. I don’t know myself if I am fit to help the dwarves reclaim their home. Most of them probably don’t even like me as I know I’ve done more than enough tonight,” she said as Bilbo stayed silent, another slight smile appearing on his face he was unable to contain. Carrie gave a smile in return as she looked at Bilbo in the brief silence before giving a small sigh.

“Anyway, the point is, even if you do not join us, I wish you well. From me, if not anyone else. Home should be something to hold onto with the people you love who love you in return. It’s more than I could say back where I came from,” Carrie said with the small smile still on her face. “Goodnight, Bilbo,” she added and turned away this time walking away. By the time she reached the living area where everyone was, she started to distinctly hear a song from the dwarves that was unlike the cheerful tone that poked fun at Bilbo. It spoke volumes about how the terrible beast Smaug ripped everything from them, leaving them homeless and facing the wilderness to fend for themselves.

Not wanting to disturb their somber moment she sat by a nearby wall, clutching the bathrobe with her arms crossed listening to the song. As she listened to the words she could not help but feel more unsure of her part in this quest, and wished in silence she would have a choice to hide away like Bilbo or find her way back to her world. Even if she simply had the choice would she want to go back and be on the run with nowhere to go?

The thought brought tears to her eyes; knowing she was, in that world, a murderer. Maybe, for all she knew, the dwarves will eventually see the same. Carrie leaned further against the wall, covering her face as best as possible so no one would see her cry doing the best she could to fall sleep. All she could see behind her eyelids are images of her dead mother and classmates, barely leaving any sleep by the time she was shaken awake. It left her startled and on edge until she saw Bofur and started to calm down even as her telekinesis made a pot fall near him. Carrie gave an apologetic look seeing how it shocked Bofur. Eventually, he gave a shrug as if saying not to worry about it and helped her up.

Carrie did not have time to get herself together or glance in the direction of Bilbo’s bedroom to see if he was okay as she was being rushed out the door. Carrie mulled over in her mind about Bilbo’s welfare while going down a path along the hill, but knew it was no use fretting about him now. He made his choice as she must live with hers to be on this journey whether she liked it or not. Once they got further from the rolling hills Bofur noticed the look on Carrie’s face. Expressing his worry, he stopped for a moment to face her.

“Don’t worry about him, Carrie. He made his choice, like all of us. It’s probably for the best, lass… Here he is safe in the comfort of his home, away from the wild,” he said in an effort to comfort her. Carrie turned to look back, feeling unsure until she looked at Bofur again in silence, knowing he was right.

Bofur gave a nod and a small smile before adding, “He’ll be fine.” He turned to face the edge of the woods walking on. Carrie could not help but give a small smile at what he said, a bit reassured, and followed him. Perhaps it was for the best Bilbo did stay behind. As much as Carrie hated to admit it, she had hoped he’d change his mind. Maybe then she would have at least one other kind soul that emphasized with her besides Gandalf and now Bofur, one of the only dwarves who appeared more than willing to be around Carrie despite her telekinetic antics. They did not do the same the night before, especially not now as Carrie and Bofur approached the group already mounted on ponies.

Once Carrie found a spare pony to mount on, Thorin was ready to lead them off until a familiar voice yelled, “Wait!” She looked back to see Bilbo waving the contract in his hand. Carrie’s face immediately lit up with a smile in relief to see him. By the time Balin looked over the signed contract he gave an approving nod in acceptance, smiling. Carrie swore she saw a hint of surprise in Thorin’s eyes with what he witnessed from Bilbo being there, until he masked it and looked away as he rode on, giving a silent order for Bilbo to obtain a pony. Carrie wondered if Thorin being constantly rude would be all she would endure as she shook her head and helped Bilbo mount on her pony in an act of kindness amid his protests. More than Bilbo knew, him being there gave Carrie enough strength and hope to begin this quest, if only for a moment.

**If you or someone is experiencing a mental health crisis, has experienced severe depression, or has experienced a PTSD episode call the national suicide prevention lifeline (1-800-273-8255), text CONNECT or HOME to the crisis text line at 741741, or call 911**