To my future self,

First of all, what’s going on? How have you been? I hope all the answers are positive, even if I’m not sure what you’ll say right now. The unknown is always something that sends a wave of dread down my spine and throughout my soul. However, I can’t ignore all the burning questions I have for you. They’re lined up like a checklist, ready for you to tackle and knock out in an intense, focused discussion.

For instance, did we make the right choice by following our heart instead of sticking with a job we grew sickened by? After so many years of questioning and doubt, I realized teaching isn’t for us. Was pursuing a position in therapy the right move? I only hope this change sets us up on the right path to be able to help others like we’ve always wanted. It’ll be better than working retail for the rest of our lives, even if I have to do it for now while going back to school. Besides, if we never try, we’ll never know.

For our sake, I hope the change resulted in some positive after-effects instead of more fatigue towards another potential career. Therapy has always helped us, so maybe providing the same chance for others will fill that desire we hold to support people during their darkest times.

And what about that special someone? Do we meet them and get to feel like a queen with how much love they give us? How about the trials and challenges? Do they end or become bearable? Does our hard work and endurance pay off in the long run like we hoped? Are we able to focus on the present instead of the future or past, learning to live in the moment?

There are so many questions, it becomes overwhelming to look at when you first read them. I’d apologize for it all, worried that I’ve pushed you away somehow. Although I know you’re familiar with my erratic thoughts. You’ve been in my shoes after all. Hopefully not anymore, though. I’d like to believe you’re in a better state and have escaped the hellish storm we’ve lived in for a decade now: years of social pressure to prove ourselves, constant doubt about who we are, and battling the worst of depression with all our strength.

I pray you’ve become this confident figure who is unafraid to be who you are, living every day like it’s your last, while helping others however you can so that they don’t feel as alone as you have. As we both have.

I could go on forever, but I’d rather end this letter on a more hopeful note. You should be proud of all your hard work. You’ve found your purpose and created memories of friends that help replace ones that haunt you. But most of all, I hope you’re happy and able to love yourself in ways I never could. That you’re confident in who you are, without constant doubt slipping in from the shadows. If anyone deserves to feel free and at peace, it’s you. 

Wait for me, and I’ll see you quicker than you can blink. Then, we’ll both understand the answers to all my questions. 

With eternal love,

Your past self

Editor: Shannon Hensley