Every day is a mix of the good, bad, and the ugly. What if a stranger walks in on an ugly moment? A small snapshot of the day where life is less than stellar. How do you want them to react? I doubt any of you say with harsh judgment, criticism, and a laundry list of advice. In ugly moments, we all need kindness, grace, and love. Leading with kindness first is the best practice.

Your View Is a Snapshot

What you see is only a snapshot. Your perspective on friends and family is only a fleeting moment in their daily lives. It is easy to make assumptions based on your 90 second take. The tougher option is to take a step back and acknowledge your lack of knowledge about the total story. In 99.9% of situations, life is more complex than it appears. The messy kitchen, Target meltdown, and trash cans still sitting curbside are only part of the story. Forgo judgement.

Kindness and Grace

I know you’ve seen it. The complete sobbing, yelling meltdown in the middle of the grocery store aisle. Have you been the parent standing next to that child? I have. No, my child is not spoiled, bad, or a brat. My child struggles with emotional dysregulation, making it difficult for them to navigate the outside world. There are moments when I long to vanish into a black hole. Instead, I do what needs to be done. Whether we calm down and continue shopping or abandon our cart to try again later, I figure out our next move.

During those moments, I feel every stare and hear every whispered comment like a gunshot through my heart. Today, I smile and nod in understanding at the adults managing a hard moment. Even if that child is simply “having a tantrum,” judgement is unnecessary. We all have bad days. A smile is preferred over a snide comment.

Are You Being Helpful?

Being helpful is not equivalent to giving advice. If a person asks for advice, then your input is helpful. If you witness an event and offer advice based on your interpretation, it may miss the mark completely. Remember, life is complex. Advice based on your life experience may not apply. Instead of offering advice, criticism, or judgement, look for a simple, helpful solution. Without uttering a word, clean up the spilled milk and pour a new glass. Hold the door open, even if it means you wait a couple of extra minutes to enter the store. Start with the small stuff and wait for a request for bigger things. A minor act of kindness has the potential to energize an otherwise exhausted person.

Grace Wins

Every situation has a person at its center. People need grace, love, and acceptance. Not one perfect person walks this earth. Our purpose is to give and receive love. There will always be difficult moments. Some are brief and others last for months or years. Give the grace you need to the ones around you. Kindness makes the world better. Judgement will only create darkness. Be the Light!