Once upon a time, I was young and thought things were simple. Actions were right or wrong, and belief systems fell into little boxes. Life was clearly black and white. As I grew older, I determined nothing is simply a matter of black and white, right and wrong. Life is far more complicated and full of nuance. To live a life of compassion and understanding, we need to find the gray and embrace the complexity of a world that does not fit into a tiny box.

A Polarized World

The world looks increasingly polarized. As I scroll through social media, I see people shouting at each other. The overall tone of most conversations is “I am right, and you are wrong!”—no nuance or compassion or listening. The polarized views come from both sides of any argument. With the amount of information we can consume in the blink of an eye, why are we so closed-minded? I can understand a black and white approach when your life’s experiences are limited to the town in which you live, but we moved past that environment years ago. We can listen to voices from around the world. How are we using this opportunity?

Perception is Reality

Our perception of the world is our reality. It moves us to form our opinions and make decisions. Heather Thompson Day, speaking about social media and spirituality on the For the Love Podcast, advises:

“We need to take time to follow voices we don’t agree with. You have to understand what other people are saying.”

She went on to talk statistically about media consumption and the limits certain groups place on who they consume. If your entire world tells you X is 100% correct, this is your reality. My entire world may tell me Y is 100% correct. My reality is different than yours based on my perception of the facts. So how do we learn to have compassion and understanding for groups outside our reality? We need to listen!

Listen Not Agree

The goal here is to listen. I do not expect everyone to agree. If the world is in 100% agreement, we stopped being human, and computers took over the land. We will never reach 100%. If this is your goal, you are in for a bitter disappointment. Instead of focusing on an issue as black or white, we need to listen to opposing viewpoints and see that there is a huge gray area. In the gray are nuance, compassion, understanding, and the ability to see a reality outside of our own. After listening, I may find I still see my “side” as 70% correct but have a new perspective on the other 30%. Or maybe I don’t change my stance at all. The key is to listen to other voices for understanding, not agreement.

Switch Up Your Feed

Three years ago, I made a conscious effort to start listening to new voices. I want to hear voices from every corner of an issue. My goal is to find the nuance and live in the gray. I am not going to lie – this can be exhausting! It is challenging to listen to voices different than your own without starting an argument. It is possible to listen purely for understanding. No need to argue your point with the intention to change minds. Share your ideas with the intention of other people also listening to understand.

By increasing the rate at which we listen to each other, maybe we will make progress in finding common ground. Common ground leads to compassion for our fellow human beings and the ability to listen more. Through compassion and listening, we are likely to find answers that are reasonable or acceptable to more people. I believe real solutions lie in the murky gray area in the middle of any issue.

Compassion and Compromise Win

As you listen to new voices and gain perspective on lived experiences outside your own, it is my hope you see issues with more compassion. Take that compassion and use it to compromise. Compromise does not mean you are losing. Life is not about winning and losing. It is about becoming the best version of us and allowing others to do the same. Welcome the gray and lead with compassion first. Together we can live outside the tiny boxes set before us and enjoy the entirety of our world.