The hardest thing to hear from other moms when they find out I don’t have kids is “Oh, be so glad you don’t have them yet” or “You are so lucky.” I’m then told why I’m so lucky, and to “seriously, be thankful” I haven’t doomed myself to motherhood yet. I always smile and nod and say, “Right?” As if I 100 percent agree on how fortunate I am. Except I don’t feel that way, not at all.

There’s nothing I’d like more than to finally be pregnant and in the trenches of motherhood with you mamas. I don’t feel “lucky” to know my body is changing and might not be well enough to sustain pregnancy on its own. And I know other women ache for babies and suffer because of infertility or missed opportunities, and they don’t feel “lucky” either. We understand the sacrifices and the struggles that come with children, and we look forward to it. It’s a burden we’d gladly take upon ourselves for a chance to bear a child and become a mother.

But mamas, I get it. Parenting is so difficult. It requires you to give yourself emotionally, mentally, and physically to another person without any sort of return from them. You need to vent and complain about your babies sometimes. How your baby kept you up all night, your toddler never once stopped throwing a tantrum, your child not listening, and your teenager talking back. It’s constant. You’re giving your all to these sweet babies and sometimes have barely anything left over.

So, please, find your tribe, your friends and family, and talk about it. Vent about those sleepless nights and messy house, you deserve it. Re-center yourself in order to get back in and give your all. But the next time you meet someone who doesn’t have kids, be careful what you say. They might not be childless by choice.