“People may not realize the damage that they are doing by placing the blame on the victim—but that doesn’t lessen the damage that they cause by doing it.” -Darlene Ouimet

Time Magazine recently announced their Person of the Year, and it was glorious. There, on the front cover looking like total bad asses were the Silence Breakers: strong and powerful women using their voices to call out perpetrators of sexual assault via the #MeToo movement. I fully expected the anger and hateful comments from the misogynistic supporters of patriarchy, who would no doubt be nursing their wounded and fragile masculinity after seeing the cover of this magazine. What I didn’t expect were the comments from women. After a moment of stunned silence and disbelief, I felt my blood begin to boil.

I didn’t expect the comments calling for the silence of victims of sexual assault. I didn’t expect the comments justifying the poor treatment of a woman, because she is a perpetual victim. I didn’t expect women to be so petty and judgmental, but in hindsight, I feel like I should have. After all, acknowledging the damage caused by victim blaming and shaming behaviors is a critical factor in understanding why rape culture is such an enormous problem within our society.

According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, every 98 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. In the United States, less than 37% of sexual assaults are reported to law enforcement, but 1 in 5 women are sexually assaulted at some point in their lives. Many women don’t report their assault because they are afraid that no one will believe them, or that the perpetrator of their assault will seek retaliation.

The statistics get even scarier when you consider that 33% of women who are raped have suicidal ideation, with about 13% of those women attempting suicide. Each rape costs the United States approximately $151,423, which adds up to an annual total of $127 billion. To put that number into perspective, the annual costs of other crimes committed in the United States are: assault at $93 billion, murder at $71 billion, and driving while intoxicated at $61 billion. Let’s not forget to acknowledge that 81% of women who are sexually assaulted report significant impacts to their mental health such as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The real kicker here is that, 63.3% of men who self-reported acts that qualify as rape or attempted-rape, admit to committing repeated acts of rape or attempted-rape. It is our duty to ourselves and other women to speak out, to scream at the top of our lungs, to demand to be heard. To tell the perpetrators of our assaults that we will tolerate this rape culture no more.

So, before you silence a woman who has been the victim of sexual assault, before you hesitate to believe her, before you question what she was wearing, the number of times she has been a victim or how much she had to drink, think back to these statistics. Let’s be cognizant about the irreparable damage we are causing when we silence and blame victims, whether we like the person or not. Let’s seriously consider how many women we are essentially telling to shut up and suffer in silence when we place blame on the victim.

Strong women standing unified amidst the cries of #MeToo is a beautiful sight to see, but to see real change we need more from society. We need you. I challenge you to know better, do better, and be better. To advocate for victims, to break the silence, to smash the patriarchy, and to help end rape culture.

Statistics on sexual assault: National Sexual Violence Resource Center