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Home›Nonfiction›Drowning Out the Noise

Drowning Out the Noise

By Jaclyn Weber-Hill
March 10, 2025
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A hallway with green walls and gray floors that shows a lit baby blue brick wall and window in the distance.
Jonathan Simcoe / Unsplash
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(1)

My eyes flickered as I tried to adjust to the pitch black. The room’s darkness challenged all my senses. I can’t see what’s in front of me, and the silence deafens my hearing in the most unsettling way. Where am I? What am I doing here? This new world gave me no means of clarity. How would I get out of here? I took one footstep forward to pursue a path out of the blackness. I heard noises when I did. These echoes weren’t kind or welcoming, which did not entice me to go further into the abyss. At first, it sounded like a growl from an animal stalking me in the distance, waiting to claim me as prey. But the primal clamoring began making sentences in an utterance unfamiliar to me.

“You cannot be serious. How could you think you’re good enough? You already want to give up because it’s too difficult.” The strange commentator taunted.

Hairs on the skin of my arm stood as my body froze under the pressure of the unkind words rattled off by this stranger. The shadowy space didn’t allow for logic. With my perception dulled, nothing but panic set in. Anxiety and self-doubt expanded in the depths. What if this unknown entity had a point? How dare I dream of being capable of doing anything when I’m unable to find freedom from this terror? My heart spun out and pounded in my chest. Sweat pooled on my forehead. Are the walls closing in on me? I needed to do something fast.

With a deep breath in, I braved another foot forward onto the dark path. These strides morphed into a full sprint through the murkiness surrounding me. The darkness counted on my hiding forever, but I had no choice but to continue. I would not allow my insecurities to silence me. I lifted my right hand and reached out to assess for any sign of a door in front of me. There had to be relief somewhere and I had to explore to find it. This critic couldn’t gain power over me. Despite a lack of confidence, I remained resilient. This presented a defining decision I had to face, stay frozen, or discover an exit. Each stride toward the path away from the critique spat in my direction pushed the harshness out. As my feet carried more assurance, so did I.

When I gathered the tenacity to move, I was steadfast to free myself from the black enveloping my line of sight. Finally, I approached the portal I was searching for. It was a dull flicker of light around a square framed door. I reached out for the knob and exited the unknown environment. The stark brightness overwhelmed my senses as I re-entered the world. My eyes squinted when I tried to get used to the familiar surroundings. The conclusion to this journey felt like I clawed my way to freedom from the deepest secret taunts in my mind. Faith was challenging to capture, but when I looked fear in the face, I found the bravery to complete the hard challenge, anyway.

Finding a resolution isn’t easy. Sometimes, it can be frightening to be lost without an escape. Other times, courageousness feels as mundane as making eye contact with someone during a conversation. Like anything else, having courage takes practice, nurturing, and care. This instance of bravery and determination would become the fuel I’d carry with me for any arduous journeys ahead. Every obstacle I conquer reminds me I am resilient, strong, and capable of conquering anything with the will within the first step.

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Jaclyn Weber-Hill

Jaclyn Weber-Hill, born and raised in Queens, NY, has been writing since first grade. Jaclyn considers her writing her greatest form of self-expression. She writes with the hope that in sharing her lived experience, she can help someone feel less alone. Since 2023, Jaclyn has been writing her blog on Medium.com. In May 2024, she was "boosted" on the site where her story reached over 500 people and counting. Jaclyn is happily married to her wife Frances, together they share a 6-year-old Pembroke Welsh Corgi named Penelope.

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