When does a grown-up learn to express themselves in a manner acceptable to society?

Imagine me, a 33-year-old, enters a coffee shop, and screams, “I WANT COFFEE.” I continue to shout, “I WANT COFFEE” for 15 minutes. Fellow coffee drinkers scoot further away from me, in case I am mentally insane. Others stare, mouth agape, in shock. Children cover their ears. Toddlers cry in sympathy. Staff are unaware of what to do. They pick up the phone to call security.

I fall asleep. I sit in the middle of the room, lay my head down, and sleep.

The crowd disperses. People are too afraid to touch the resting beauty. Morning activities resume.

Kidspeak.

The scenario above is outrageous when a grown-up is causing the commotion. Swap the lady for a 4-year-old and it makes sense. Fellow parents are sympathetic and understanding, having first-hand experience of these meltdowns in their own homes.

Crying is how little ones express their exhaustion. They do not know the feelings in their body telling them to slow down and take a nap. I am amazed at how fast kids snooze. They can play with their pretend kitchen, bake a cake for their dolls, and fall asleep right there with their heads on the imagination oven.  

A child does not know to listen to their bodies or how to approach an adult, and vocalize, “I am tired, I need to go to bed soon.” How much easier will parenting be if tots can articulate their feelings?

Learning.

With growth comes maturity.

Infants cry when they are cold, hungry, wet, dirty, tired, hot, and bored. One method of communication for all those feelings. This is why moms must hone in to their baby’s needs to figure out what the babe wants.

Toddlers have words as their tools. But they cannot connect the tired feelings with needing a nap. They want to play. A wind-down routine helps these tots listen to their bodies and rest. Some useful evening habits include bathtime, reading a book, dimming the lights, and listening to soft music in the bedroom. Repeat these steps every day to establish a routine, and it helps the little one know it is time to go to sleep.

Preschoolers may understand that they need a break, and require quiet time to calm down, decrease stimuli, and recover from a long day at school.

As children advance in years, their awake time increases, and they have enough energy to make it through a full day of learning and activities. Bedtimes are later and self-regulation of sleep occurs.

While teenagers and adults understand the need for rest, their busy schedules often cause a chronic lack of sleep.

Give them grace.

When youngsters meet the point of no return and they are past the point of exhaustion, they need help. They can scream, “I WANT ICE CREAM” on repeat for up to 20 minutes. While their mouths shout for ice cream, their bodies yell, “I NEED SLEEP.”

Whether they are hollering for dessert, videos, or more playtime, the words are not important. It is not about listening to their words and giving them what they are yelling for. It is about listening to their bodies and helping them shut down and reset.

A parent is no longer able to reason with this nugget. Explaining, reassuring, and bribing is not effective. Asking them to calm down and stop screaming is unreasonable. This little one is crying for sleep and nothing else is enough.

The choices now are to get them in bed as is or go through the bedtime routine and lay them down.

When my 4-year-old hits exhaustion, he lets me know by yelping. He shouts, “I WANT VIDEOS” on repeat. I realize I waited too long to get him ready for bed. I carry him into the shower, brush his teeth, lay him in bed, and cover him with a blanket. He does not stop expressing his wants. Even through brushing his teeth, he screams, “I WANT VIDEOS”, which I find impressive. I lay down with him, hug him, and hold his hand. All the while, he is still crying out that he wants videos. Within 5 minutes, he is silent, his breaths are rhythmic, and he is asleep.

With all this roaring, it is easy for a parent to get frustrated, shout back, and punish the child for yelling and not listening. In this state, the youngster does not comprehend right from wrong. All reason is gone. Take a deep breath, give the child grace, and get them to bed. They will wake up a whole new human being.

Children thrive with routine. Waking up, eating, napping, playing, and sleeping around the same time every day provides a pattern for their bodies. Their brains comprehend the structure and know what to expect.

Appointments such as doctor visits, family vacations, and special events, cause deviations from the norm. These interruptions can trigger meltdowns. Parents have the opportunity to practice patience, knowing that their child is not angry or hungry, he needs calm.  

We all need to rest and recharge. Little ones do not know how to listen to their bodies and slow down. Let’s help them and hear their cries for sleep.

Editor: Michelle Naragon