Buckets

I have cried tears that could fill buckets.
I cried tears when those very buckets turned to cold showers-cold,
breath-catching.
Then catching and cutting my heart, deep and sudden.
I have cried tears that have turned into oceans.
I would gladly cross for those that would follow after me.
I know plenty who would never risk jumping a puddle to be there for me.
That’s okay.
No matter what size tears I shed in this life,
I will never shed any in the name of regret.

I am tired of shedding them out of anger, fear, and helplessness.
I have cried tears that could fill buckets.
I have cried tears that could sail ships.
When I say, I know without a doubt who is worth setting sail upon
the ocean of tears I have shed and who is not.
I am tired of slipping and watching the pain
take down the ones with the intention to love and protect me.
I have cried tears that could fill buckets.
Those tears don’t always absorb so I carry them on the face of my heart.
Sometimes, those roots become waterlogged.
I have cried tears that could water every single dessert on this globe.

I have cried tears that could fill buckets.
Countless-
I won’t spare anyone’s feelings anymore.
That trade is only fair when I know I get the love I give in return.
I know who’s worth extending a hand to and who isn’t.
I count them on two hands-
I used to wish to have more than two hands to be able to give more.
Now? Now; I know that we were only given two hands to carry what matters the most.

Whether it’s good, bad, sad, or joyful.
You’re left to carry what’s meant for you.
I have cried tears that could fill buckets.
If I am being totally honest, I still do.
But, whatever comes to me, and is meant for me will stay.
The entrance also works as an exit for the things that aren’t meant to stay.
I know this now.

I have cried tears that could fill buckets.
Now, I shed tears to cleanse myself, rather than drown myself.
The true color of myself is no longer watered down by regret and pain.
Heartache and disappointment
for the true colors of others-that will always be there too.
I cherish the love I have now for the love that stayed.
I have cried tears that could fill buckets.
In life, you will cry many tears.
Now I count my tears like I count my blessings.
Tears that wash your face and soul in love will never leave your memories completely.
They will stay.
Helping me to remember the good times,
and the love with the ones that matter the most.
I hold the buckets filled with my tears-they cleanse me.
Reminding me I am whole, and flawed all the same time.
I have cried tears that could fill buckets.
I am not ashamed.
These buckets of tears that I cry are a symbol of who I am.