My Creative Writing teachers always stressed the importance of writing letters you would never send. It’s an emotional pallet cleanser, it’s free writing, and you never know what will spark inspiration. I love to write my feelings on paper. It helps me calm down. However, last week, I started a new medication to help with my bladder spasms.

I have skin breakdown because of said spasms, so it hurts to sit in my wheelchair. The skin sticks to everything. Then when I move, my skin gets irritated. I’m treating it, but it’s uncomfortable. I’m tired of waking up in pain. 

I know the solution. I just have to wait. Once I have my electric chair, things will be better. The problem is that  I don’t know when that will happen. My normal coping mechanisms aren’t helping. Talking to people and having feelings validated doesn’t help. I know this will pass, but it feels endless. Usually, I would go on a walk or go to the library. 

It’s easy to default to tears, and everyone gets overwhelmed. I need to teach myself to take a minute and breathe. I know this is much easier said than done, and I failed every single day last week. 

My therapist tells me all of the time that feelings are fleeting. It’s just hard to remember when your legs vaguely feel like someone is tearing duct tape off of your skin constantly. I know I need to have more empathy. Empathy is also hard when you feel that no matter what you do, it’s still a problem.

The only thing you can control is yourself.

The next time people make you feel like you’re about to lose control, think about a funny moment. The next time you wake up in a bad mood, listen to some music or watch something that makes you laugh before you go to work. It sets the tone for your day and will probably make your day better overall.