We’re ass-deep in bathroom confusion:
Gender has this issue twisted all wrong.
Some folks are worrying about trans women,
But I’ve been thinking of trans men all along. 

They’re the ones watching for landmines
As they enter the predator’s den;
People who think of “grape” as they shit
Seem to flock to the sign that reads “men.” 

I’ll invite trans folks on my potty runs;
They might have style tips, or fix up the walls!
And regardless of how they fit into that space,
Who knows what lurks in other stalls? 

And what of our sons? And all decent guys?
Since there are many, we could all agree
That toilets really don’t care about gender
And most of us just have to pee. 

Yet voices cry out for division,
Dichotomizing “this” and “that,”
Fearful of all they can label as “other,”
Crouching beneath bright red hats. 

For everyone’s sake, let’s build halls with two doors:
A privy for anyone who’s cool.
We don’t give a damn what pronouns you use,
But don’t be a bitch or a tool. 

And a separate alcove for genital wardens,
Obsessed with glory holes and adrenal glands,
Who’d consider accosting a poor soul in need
Or leave without washing their hands. 

Editor: Erynn Crittenden