When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Did you achieve it?

As a kid, I wanted to be a veterinarian because I loved animals. Unfortunately, I saw how much math and chemistry it would require. I saw how long school would take and how competitive it is. In college, I recognized I had different strengths. I changed my degree. I never became a vet, though I still love animals.

When I finally figured out what I loved and was good at, I pursued it with abandon. I received my bachelor’s degree in English. Two years later, I received my master’s degree in communication. My dad questioned if I could find a job with either degree. He was concerned. I told him I could. I assured him I had plans.

I pursued a good job shortly after graduating from my graduate program. Because of my personal life, though, and an unhealthy work environment, I ended up leaving that job after only eight months. I realized later that it wasn’t at all what I had thought it would be, and I wasn’t passionate enough about it to do a good job. I hopped around other jobs for a bit after that, staying for a year or so, but I found the same issue with each one. They were decent at first, but then I got bored, and I realized my heart wasn’t in it.

I was longing for more.

Just ten months after starting to date my boyfriend, I moved to North Carolina to pursue our relationship. It was, in all reality, the perfect time to start a new chapter in my life. My divorce was finalized, I was progressing on my own healing journey, and I had done all I felt I could at my current job. I was happier and healthier than I had ever been. It felt like starting over, and that was something I needed. I did something I had thought about but never thought I’d do: I applied to a local police department.

I began an actual career field, and I finally felt like I was achieving something. I went through six months of rigorous physical and academic training. I rode with a training officer for three months, learning about the city I’d be working in and experiencing patrol. I passed my board and was released as a solo officer. I became official.

Some days are harder than others. I don’t sleep much or as well. I am always tired, physically and mentally. I have a muscle injury from the end of academy that, a year later, is still healing. Twelve-hour shifts are no joke. I get grumpy. But then there are the good days when I really feel I’ve helped someone. My squad is filled with good people who make good officers. I have immediate supportive leadership who are always willing to answer questions and take our personal lives seriously.

The important thing is I feel like I am doing something worthwhile.

I still have bigger goals. It doesn’t end at patrol for me. And I still struggle some days, but so does everyone. Did I make the right choice? Am I doing the right thing?

This isn’t what I wanted to be when I was little. This wasn’t the career path I had been on for years. I didn’t study law or forensics or criminology. I had always respected law enforcement, but I had never given much thought to being part of it myself. Until I was faced with the idea that I could.

That’s the biggest takeaway. If faced with the possibility, take it. You never know what could happen. Do the thing. Ask the question. As my mom always reminds me: “what’s the worst that could happen?” They could say no? No. The worst thing that could happen is the answer could be “yes” but you never bothered to try.

What we want to be when we grow up changes with time. It changes as we find new hobbies and interests, pursue our education, and just generally experience life. Our grandiose ideas get tapered down until they become something we can do honestly that provides us enough to live.  

Maybe I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. But I’m on a good path.