Birds Reprised
Sam’s heart was light even as nature gathered itself for one final inconvenience in a morning mauled by them. His dog appeared to be on the mend, and he’d found his way back. Everything else was like a dream. A fantastical dream. An unbelievable dream… His step hitched.
No one will believe it.
He’d been gone for nearly two hours, the busiest hours of the day.
Wait. He stopped and checked his phone. The battery was on its last leg; the poor service always drained it quick. Why’d no one call me?
It was a simple question, but one he hadn’t entertained until now.
Did anyone notice I was gone? He passed by the apartment quarter of the cathedral. While the central hall, which housed the café and a few choice studio apartments, had its original mystic interior preserved, the cloister, linked to the primary structure by a private corridor for tenants which ran parallel to the street, had been gutted.
The apartments replaced the courtyard that the cloister once secluded and rose four floors to match the outer stone façade. A second entrance connected the new lobby to the street. While the architects tried to capture the grandeur that the outer stonework promised, the religious chic inside paled in comparison to the devout foundation underneath.
I could pretend I never left or say I slipped and knocked myself out. They wouldn’t care either way.
He counted the sidewalk squares that led to the main entrance of the cathedral. As his eyes moved from the concrete to the large, arched windows that flanked the doors, horror and dread snapped together in his stomach like magnets. His ex sat in the alcove behind the glass. She pressed a mug against her lips but refrained from taking a sip. Her eyes glided across a book in her lap until they reached the last line. She drank, then turned the page.
“No-no.” Sam shuddered; his mind catastrophized dead-end thoughts, which only further pinched his knotted gut. Why is she here? Is she looking for me? I can’t—
His brain went silent as her gaze rose from the book and drifted out into the street.
“Fuck.” He flew off from the sidewalk and through the cloister’s modern entrance, into the apartment lobby. The glass doors hissed as they closed behind him. His hands trembled. I should return to the park. Maybe have a cigarette with that guy. Or hide in a bush.
“Sam?”
His name shocked him. The elevator, its exterior disguised behind the wooden mask of a confessional, slid open and revealed the confused face of a coworker.
“Oh.” Sam walked to his right, away from the glass doors and towards a reupholstered pew that lined the wall opposite the mailboxes. “Hi, Rachel. What’s-uh-what’s up?”
She stepped into the lobby and adjusted her backpack, which was slung over her shoulder. “You look terrible.”
Sam shivered and glanced outside. A long line of cars waited their turn as the red traffic light reflected off the small drops that had accrued on the window. “Bad morning.” He pressed his open palm against his forehead and grunted. “What are you doing in here, anyway?”
Rachel tilted an eyebrow. “I live here. My shift starts at 10:15—why are you here? Aren’t we working mid-shift together?”
“No, I just—I can’t go back to work.”
She sharpened her gaze. “I am not doing mid-shift alone with Drew; his lazy ass will make me do everything. Come on, let’s go.” She started for the exit, but Sam collapsed onto the pew.
“I can’t.”
Rachel looked at him. “You good?”
“I wasn’t supposed to work today!” Sam studied the ceiling. “I went to bed thinking I’d have a nice day to myself. Maybe take the dog to the park, read a book—I don’t know. But then that whole bunch called out, my dog gets sick, and all of a sudden, my day is one disaster after another.”
“You know all of them went downtown together, right? That whole sick thing is bullshit. I saw them tagged in a post. They’re with those regulars they’re always gabbing with.”
Sam blinked blankly at her. “Really?”
“Yep. I can show you the pic.”
“You know what?” he bounced his fist off his knee. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. I’m happy they had a day off, must be nice. Maybe I’ll call out ‘sick’ sometime.”
“You’d never do that.” Rachel approached the bench. “Is your dog okay?”
Sam nodded. “My sister said she’s okay at the moment. I wish I could call her, but my battery is almost dead. Plus, the reception is shit. The entire day can go to hell.”
“Busy morning there, then?”
“Busy? I wasn’t even there! For more than an hour, I’ve been wandering around this neighborhood getting chewed out by psycho car drivers, ruining marriages, and talking to bums. Worst of all? It’s my fault. All of it.” Sam trembled as self-prescribed guilt flooded his veins.
“Damn, sounds like a great story.”
Sam glared at Rachel, then looked at his muddy shoes. “It’s not.”
“Tell me, and I’ll decide.”
“If it’s okay with you, I’m just gonna sit by myself and die.”
Her bag slid off her arm and onto the pew as she sat beside him. “Okay, I’ll sit too.”
“Stop it. You need to clock in soon.”
“I already told you; I’m not working alone with Drew. If you can traipse around town instead of work, why shouldn’t I?”
“I wasn’t traipsing.”
“Then tell me.”
Sam sighed. Maybe confiding in someone will help move it along. “Okay, whatever.” He exhaled slowly, then recounted the morning to her. How he’d abandoned his coworkers to take the trash out. About the man in the park, the sad woman in last night’s dress, and the dogs that wouldn’t stop barking. The couple he’d broken up, the guy who almost ran him over, and the way the kitten looked, limp and wet in his hands.
He glanced outside. The rain remained locked in the engorged sky. Rachel stared indifferently. Her narrow face refused to divulge any thoughts, and her thick lashes were poised and still. “I killed a kitten once,” she said with heartfelt reflection.
Sam shot a wide-eyed look at her. “On purpose?”
“What? No, I was five or six, and my cousin got a tabby for Christmas. December in Alabama is like summer here, so we played with it in the yard. I suggested we put the kitten in a wooden crate and let it float around the duck pond. Thought it would be cute.
“My cousin got scared, and to shut her up, I put her favorite blanket in with the little thing to keep it cozy. She was on the verge of tears when I pushed the crate off the dock. The kitten was meowing loudly, but I thought it was excited. About halfway out, it panicked and jumped, but the blanket got tangled in its paws. By the time her dad came running out, it was gone.”
“Oh, my God.” The image of the drowning kitten blurred with the lifeless newborn he’d held earlier. “That happened?”
“Nah.” She pushed a dark curl out of her eyeline. “The kitten stayed in the box, as happy as a clam. It was extremely cute too!”
“What the hell? Why would you lie about that?”
“To put your little thing into perspective! None of it is your fault. The kitten was going to die. That guy was going to cheat; the old man was going to fall. You didn’t do anything. Except take the trash out. But you needed a break from the rush. Lord knows I do that. You actually think my bathroom breaks are because I need to go? Hell no! Everyone needs to breathe once in a while.”
Sam watched the cars. Now freed from the red, they streamed by as the clouds stubbornly drew themselves tighter. “Thanks.” He looked back at Rachel. “Guess you’re right.”
“Don’t thank me, I’m being selfish. I can’t get through mid-shift without you.”
Sam smiled.
“Come on.” Rachel lifted her bag and rose from the pew like an ascending angel. “I don’t want to be late.”
Sam fidgeted with his fingers.
“No one will be upset with you.” She said as she glanced at the clock above the door. “They’ll understand. You’ll be the butt of jokes, but that’s a given.”
“It’s not them; they probably didn’t notice I was gone. I could be laying in a ditch somewhere and they wouldn’t care.”
“Then why are you hiding like a scared animal?” She grew impatient and folded her arms. “The manager can’t actually bite your head off, you know; she’ll just give you more shifts with Drew.”
“I saw my ex today. Twice, actually.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. I saw her earlier and literally ran away before she noticed. That’s why I got lost, and it’s why I’m hiding. She’s in the coffee shop. The nerve. That’s my place.”
“That’s dumb.”
“What?” Sam looked up. “You’d be fine if an ex hung out at the shop?”
“Bitch, I work with my ex.”
Sam felt incredibly foolish.
“Why do you think I want you there for mid-shift? It’s not fun, but I manage. Besides, Drew is an idiot. Which makes it easier. I’m guessing you’re the idiot, not your ex. So that’s rough. But I guarantee I’ve been a bigger idiot than you.”
“Impossible.”
She raised an eyebrow like a bowstring. “Yeah? I cheated on my boyfriend with Drew. That man was wonderful, kind, smart—just perfect. He loved me so much. And that fucking terrified me because I couldn’t understand why. So, I broke his heart to prove a point. If he were to come into the shop today, I’d probably slap Drew, then give him something on the house.” She clapped her hands together and stepped away. “Top that.”
“Alright.” Sam cleared his throat, but his voice still broke as he treaded over sharp memories. “Right when my ex started grad school, they found a tumor in her brother’s brain, and I couldn’t handle the pressure of supporting her through school and her brother’s sickness. I didn’t even try. I mean, at the time I thought I did, but I didn’t. We’d still be together if I had.”
Rachel’s shoulders dropped as secondhand betrayal flicked across her face. “Shit.”
“Thank you.” Sam gestured graciously with his hand. “So, if you don’t mind, I’ll stay put.”
“No. You’re not a bird waiting for the weather to clear or for winter to pass before you show up again. You’re a person who knows they can be better, and that’s good enough for now.”
Sam’s eyes fell to the paneled floor, but she continued, unabated. “The longer you wait, the harder it will be, and the crazier you’ll feel. It’s similar to possession. You’ll end up doing crazy things.”
He glanced at the secular iconography around them. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say ‘hi,’ or ‘it’s good to see you.’ Or, ‘sorry’ for God’s sake.” Rachel’s face grew heavy. “If it were my ex, I’d tell him he never deserved what I put him through.” She adjusted her bag, then kicked Sam’s foot to get his attention. “If she lays into you, that’s her choice, and you’ll take it.”
Sam dragged his hand down the length of his face. “I don’t want to.”
“Well, you didn’t want to support her either. You ran away from her then, and you’re running now.”
He groaned as his stomach tightened. “Fine.” He stood up and scowled. “I’ll start with ‘hi.’ I can handle that. If she kills me, at least I won’t have to work.”
“Fair enough; I’ll make do without you.” Rachel gestured towards the door, and together they exited the lobby.
Editor: Shannon Hensley
