Humans communicate using words, actions, body language, tone, inflection, and volume. Small people may not be receptive to all these nuances. To them, spoken word is the gold standard. They are unable to appreciate sarcasm, puns, and figures of speech. What we articulate to children is what they believe.

Cross Signals

Youngsters receive conflicting messages when an adult says one thing but does another. They do not understand the phrase, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Parents cannot expect children to be obedient to their elders if the grown-ups do not instill trust in their word. Making unreasonable threats, breaking promises, and giving up during defiance are ways that individuals break expectations.

Threats

Do not make threats that you cannot see through. Be intentional about repercussions for kids. No screen time for a month is tortuous for both parties. Declaring this in irritation only lessens the parent’s position because the mom might cave in a week or three due to needing a break.

“Do that again, and I’ll hit you!” A father who never hits may shout this in anger, in a moment of desperation. The problem is that the kid drops more noodles on the floor. The dad does not desire to physically hurt his child, but his word is the law. He must spank this little one. If not, this toddler learns that he can throw all the pasta, and nothing will happen.

“If you are not a good listener, you don’t get to ask for things.” This statement is too vague. What if they request water or help brushing their teeth? That is asking for something. There is no reasonable way to carry out this warning to the end. Be concise and have a time frame.

Promises

“If you eat all your vegetables, you can have dessert.” When the tot finishes their broccoli, there needs to be something resembling confectionaries. It does not have to be cake or ice cream. It can be strawberries or a solo M&M. The point is to complete your half of the bargain. If there is no sweetness after chomping all the carrots, the next time the parent attempts this trade, the bambino will regard dessert as a lie.

Even as simple as “I’ll pick you up after school.” Little ones expect that person after a day of learning.

Defiance

Another example of following through is when asking a child to pick up their trash. A kid does not want to interrupt their playtime to throw items away. They say, “No.” A mom can repeat herself and ask again, “Please put your wrappers in the bin.” Once more, the tot defies and goes to a different room. Now, the mother can offer to help the child get rid of their litter. She can take the child’s hand, walk them to the scrap, place their hand on waste, and walk to the trashcan. A kid learns that they can say no but that the parent still helps them fulfill their responsibilities. If the rubbish gets forgotten, then the child learns that they can just refuse until the parent forgets.

Follow Through

It helps to have forethought and a list of actionable outcomes. No television all weekend can produce the same effect as no screens all month. Two books before bed instead of five books. No playdates with friends on Friday.

Be mindful of age. Telling a two-year-old that they cannot go to the zoo next holiday as a result of not being a good listener today is not going to formulate the cause-and-effect connection. Four weeks is too long to wait for a toddler to associate action and consequence. A realistic timeframe for toddlers is from right now to tomorrow. The younger they are, the more immediate the rewards should be.

A teenager has enough mental development to understand that they lose the privilege of the winter class dance because of the joyride in the family car without permission and crash during summer.

The consequence is not paramount. Following through is the key. Children need to know that when an adult says things, they will stick with their actions to the end whether it is positive or negative.

Kids develop trust when they do as we ask, and we follow through with our word.

Editor: Claudia Cramer