A three-year-old boy lies sleeping in his hospital bed. Monitors are silent, white noise plays in the background, and lights are low.

 “You aren’t doing your job. You don’t know what you are doing. You need to call the doctor right now!” Outside the room, the little man’s mom is angry and screaming at the nurse.

“I understand you are upset, but it is not okay to talk to me that way. I will be happy to listen to your concerns when you speak to me in a quieter tone.” The nurse responds while holding his hand up, palms out, six inches from his own chest.

This retort from the nurse surprises the mom, and she takes a step back. She realizes how loud she is speaking and asks for a brief period to calm down.

Later in the shift, the two discuss the mother’s concerns and how to address these worries together.

The parent feels heard by the healthcare staff, and the nurse de-escalates the situation.

Natural Caregivers

Nurses are caregivers. They give to others and neglect themselves. Being a healthcare worker is an extremely challenging profession. There is an underlying culture to always make the patient feel they are right because patient satisfaction scores determine how hospitals receive federal reimbursement.  

Because of the pressure, medical professionals often believe they have to do everything to make the patients and families comfortable. This includes not speaking up when they receive poor treatment themselves.

Nurses Are People, Too

It is more than okay to stop others when they are being disrespectful. Nurses are humans, not robots. They are the wonderful people who are easing pain with medications and comfort measures, cleaning poop and bathing patients, keeping patients safe through surveillance and double checks, and saving lives through early interventions and complex medical procedures.

Nurses deserve care, compassion, respect, appreciation, and kindness. When necessary, nurses must learn to stand up for themselves in a calm and reasonable manner.

Changes On Both Ends

The above situation showcases how both parties are able to learn to work together while still valuing each other’s positions, concerns, and worries.

The nurse above stands his ground and explains to the mom that he will listen to her after she stops screaming at him. His behavior shows him hearing how upset she is and is acknowledging her feelings. He is opening a conversation to discuss her frustrations when it is done in a more calm atmosphere. At the same time, the nurse is explaining to her that it is unacceptable for her to yell at him. He is setting clear and sensible expectations that need to be in place before a discussion occurs. This is not blackmail, bribery, or quid pro quo. It is basic decency and respect for each other as fellow humans.  

The parents also have an opportunity for growth. Understandably, families are under a lot of stress when a child is in a hospital. They may just need a reminder to maintain control of their emotions, and to recall they are talking to someone who does care for their tots as well. Parents have permission to be angry, just in their own time and space and not at the staff. Moms and dads need to find an outlet for their stress, take a break from the hospital room, and also care for themselves while their little one is ill.

What If That Fails

Such a scenario is an ideal case. Sometimes parents are so angry, they are incapable of calming down at the moment. In this instance, it is okay to walk away. Simply stating, “I hear that you are angry. I will give you a moment to yourself. I will come back in 30 minutes to see if you are ready to talk.” Then walk out of the room.

Walking away might incite the patient and family even more, or it might give them time to settle. If they decide to follow the nurse out of the room and continue yelling, then there are other staff members who can assist with de-escalation. It is better not to be alone in a room with a patient or family member who is fuming.

Stating a clear timeframe of 30 minutes, or 10 or 45 minutes, depending on the condition, is imperative because it shows that the nurse is not just walking away forever. It presents a follow-up, so the nurse needs to uphold their end and return, either alone or with another staff member who can provide further assistance.

Stressful Situations

Hospital settings are stressful situations for the staff, patients, and family members. It takes a team to provide holistic healing for young ones. This team includes doctors, nurses, therapists, patients, families, and friends. Let’s work together to create a therapeutic, respectful, healing environment for all.

Editor: Shannon Hensley