A family on a stroll stumbles upon a dessert shop. They all decide to grab one ice cream cone each. Dad chooses strawberry, mom picks vanilla, and the three-year-old settles on cookies and cream with sprinkles. The little one is looking forward to enjoying this tasty treat. She runs out to the bench and trips. Ice cream splats all over the earth, unable to salvage any piece of it.

Respond in Anger

Mom sees her daughter holding an empty cone, barely containing her tears. “Why do you do that? I buy this ice cream for you, and you drop it on the ground. How dare you! You don’t even appreciate what I do for you!” The mother shouts.

The initial anger at seeing money in the dirt can cause this type of reaction. Dessert is not cheap these days. This toddler may be a notorious klutz, and this is the fifth item that mom has to pick up this morning. Perhaps mom does not want the tot to have sugar but gives in after lots of begging. Seeing the result on the lawn sets her off. Whatever the reason may be, the response is loud. There is yelling, crying, tears, and heartache.

Respond with Patience

Dad walks out and sees his young one scooping ice cream and grass back into the cone, attempting to save it. The father is unsure what is happening and then understands the situation. At first, he is upset, but then laughs as he watches his girl make a bigger mess. Dad and daughter duo pick up the waffle and throw it in the trash. They wash their hands. The little one gulps for air through tears over the anguish of a lost sweet treat. Dad explains that accidents happen and that it is important to clean up our messes. Eating grass cream is not the best idea. Together, they go to the counter and order another cookies and cream with sprinkles. This time, the parent carries the gelato until they are all safely sitting at the table and ready to eat.

This second response speaks louder than angry words. It promotes trust in children because they learn that they are not perfect and that is okay. Mistakes and blunders happen. With this calm reaction from family members, youths realize that they will not receive punishment for having faults.

Practice Patience

Start early and practice responding with patience. Take a breath before that initial angry reaction. Unless that preschooler intentionally throws the sherbet on the floor or at someone, then bloopers happen. There is no ill will, and answering with compassion helps develop a positive relationship between growing children and their parents.

Growing this bond from a young age can support the challenge of the tween years. Being able to turn to moms, dads, siblings, aunts, and uncles in times of need can make all the difference for adolescents trying to navigate high school. Whether the dire situation is a dessert on the ground, failing a test, losing a friend, or a car collision, it all feels urgent for teenagers. Knowing they have someone they can turn to who listens to them before yelling, encourages them to go to their support system rather than run away.

Editor: Claudia Cramer