Brother and sister are playing together at home. They both want one specific Lego piece, and sharing is not an option. The six-year-old gets angry, stomps around, and throws toys across the room. The five-year-old runs to the corner, silently crying with tears streaming down, and they sulk.

These little ones have two drastic reactions to the same external strife. They want a toy and do not want to share. These siblings have the same parents, share a genetic pool, are close in age, and have very different responses.

Both of these emotional displays are normal, appropriate, and okay. Nothing is wrong with the youngsters getting upset and crying. While it might be annoying to the parents, it is essential to remember that these tiny humans are still human. Adults are grown and get irate and despondent as well. It is unreasonable to expect toddlers to be in perfect control of their feelings.

These outbursts are not gender specific. Boys and girls have equal permission to weep, scream, sob, or shout. It is not wrong, nor should it be an expectation for a child to act a certain way.

Parents are not disasters for being unable to keep their tykes in check. Adults have moods and some are great at regulation, while others could use some assistance. Kids are the same. To imagine otherwise is to set them up for failure.

Internal or External

Moms and dads can help their youngsters by noticing what their offspring are prone to do when upset. Do they turn inwards and hold on to the emotions and cry? Do they turn outwards and physically release their feelings through banging, throwing, and kicking?

Also, note if the tots self-soothe after some time or if they need assistance to find relief. Sometimes a couple of minutes of blubbering is enough, and he can return to playing his games. Other times the weeping can be longer than 10 minutes and perhaps this one needs physical comfort in the form of a hug, a stuffed animal, or a blanket because he does not know how to soothe himself. Same with the hitting, as long as she is not hitting anyone or hurting herself, there are times when a few loud bangs and grunts are sufficient to let go of the fury from not wanting to share.

It is important to see what the children tend to do and for how long. Do they turn in or out? Calm down on their own or need help? What seems to quiet the storm? Do they want physical comfort, to be alone, or a distraction?

Everyone is a unique individual and has what works for them. Keep in mind that what works one day might not work the next week or even tonight before bed.

Just remember that their reaction is normal and okay because they are humans, just like us. Let’s give them our patience and understanding, support them in their emotional growth, and keep in our hearts that no one is perfect. We are not, and our youths are not, and that is more than okay.