Recently, a fellow co-writer wrote an article about a so-called friend that completely judged her and said some very cruel things. She left the girl’s name out of her article but included the mean-spirited message she had received. It stirred something in me. This co-writer is an unbelievably kind, giving, and talented writer and editor, and a huge animal lover to boot. That, in my book, speaks volumes. Why is it that people are okay with belittling others? Well, I believe that people do this for a variety of reasons.

I once read an article that explained why a “friend” sometimes chooses to belittle, demean, criticize, and judge you. It is because they are either jealous of you or your lifestyle, and/or because they feel threatened by your competence. Typically, these people have controlling personalities and feel they must level the playing field. They spew insulting remarks, which makes them feel better about themselves.

I decided to poke around the internet to delve into other possibilities. An article popped up, and I agree with the four mentions of why people judge and belittle others: they lack self-esteem, they feel like victims of their life story, they belittle anyone who doesn’t conform to society/their beliefs, and, lastly, which is my personal favorite, they believe they are flawless and own a high horse. Classic!

Entertained with what I had found, I continued to search for additional articles. This time, instead of searching for ‘fake friends,” I searched for ‘true friends,” and located an article on Psychology Today that piqued my interest. Listed as the top two traits of a true friend are people who show empathy and are selfless.

So, what does it mean to be an empathetic, sympathetic and selfless friend? Well, it means—get off your high horse and think of someone other than yourself. Or, at the very least, stop vocalizing your judging.

Fake Friend Or True Friend:

Essentially, there are true friendships and there are toxic friendships. True friendships involve genuine care and concern for each other. A true friend will want to know how you’re doing. For example, if you’re in school, they might inquire about how it’s going or perhaps the classes you’re enrolled in. It’s a two-way, healthy relationship. An authentic friend is one that cares, is supportive, and expresses words of encouragement.

On the other hand, toxic friendships involve jealousy and judging. Toxic “friends” typically ask for more of you than you of them, their perception of reality is often twisted against your favor, or perhaps they show more interest in your spouse or your things. It’s a one-way, unhealthy relationship. They’re toxic.

Whatever the case, if every time you walk away after time spent with a person, and you aren’t left with feelings of warmth and happiness then it’s time to reassess the friendship—and perhaps make yourself less available. Last time I checked, we’re all humans and are equals. Well, I guess if you own a high horse, then perhaps you don’t quite understand that.

Bottom line: Know your self-worth and don’t accept anything less than you deserve.