They say it’s okay to walk away, but no one ever said it would be easy.

I like to think I’ve learned a lot in the last couple of years. When I was younger, I wanted to be nothing short of conventional. I wanted to be a housewife and I wanted to live in my hometown. I wanted to put the kids in church clothes and go to Sunday brunch with my hard-working and loving husband.

So basic, right?

It wasn’t until I realized that I could do whatever I wanted with my life… Spending so much time worrying about what other people think of you… It’s exhausting. Don’t do it.

I made the decision to change my major and go to Southern New Hampshire University because I wanted to make my life as extraordinary as I am.

I had made a Five-Year Plan which involved me getting my crap together and seeing the country, which would ultimately end with me having the family I’ve always wanted. This Five-Year Plan might be beginning sooner than I had planned.

I like to think that the Universe has a funny way of working itself out.

I had an incredibly fruitless and frustrating phone meeting with my case manager who thinks that I am still enrolled in a program which I was discharged from in November. He also believes that I am being fully employed and believes I live in China now. After I hung up the phone, I then proceeded to call several universities that can accommodate me and has graduate housing for people with special needs.

I believe that the incredibly underwhelming performance as my case manager and indifference to my feelings is my cue to start improving my life on my own. I will from this day forward look for a new start in the world that is suited for me.

I am not giving up, I am just starting over. I’m so grateful,for my existence and the gift that God has given me that I will not be squandered on a pack of lies. I deserve better and better than this.

I feel like a High school kid when I say this, but I’m going to get a job and save up for college. I’m so excited for the Spring of 2019.

I feel that being able to have this experience will open up doors for me so that I can follow my dreams and see what this great country of mine has to offer. I don’t think I could have done this 2 years ago, and it’s my relationship with the beautiful, wonderful people that I’ve come to know through my education, my writing team and my search for a real friend that has brought me here.

Two years ago, my world revolved around fireflies, shots of whiskey, smoke-filled rooms in the promise of a life that would never really be mine to have. It is not until I got to know myself in a very painful way that I was able to embark on the journey that led me to the life that I truly deserve.