Before you begin reading this letter, I want you to know that is not coming from a place of malice. I wanted to warn you that your boyfriend is a manipulative, lying piece of garbage.

We spent years talking on the phone over the course of three years. He crafted this elaborate fantasy about how we were meant to be together. The whole time this was taking place, he had a girlfriend. The girl that he was dating was also subjective to manipulation. Her name was Mallory. He joined her church just so he could be near her. He claimed that he was a Southern Baptist and would always go through the rituals. He even adopted many of their beliefs and customs. He was able to do this because he spent months following her online profiles and hanging around at the restaurant where she worked in order to figure out what church she went to and then joined himself.

When he got bored with Mallory, his next target with me. He spent over a year telling me how sorry he was for lying to me and that Mallory meant nothing. He had a troubling habit of going through my Facebook figuring out when I was out with friends. This crazy man would blow up my phone to make it seem as if we were together. He would even text me and ask me when I was going to be home and ask me what I wanted for dinner.

He could manipulate someone I love, which means, of course, he can manipulate me.

He lives on the other side of the country; there’s no way we could have dinner together at a moment’s notice. This wasn’t the only lie he told. He told me that he was a college graduate who was financially independent. This wasn’t true either. He lived in his parent’s house and did odd jobs for them in exchange for housing.

In October of last year, he finally convinced me that he was on a good path: he had taken his medication, was going to therapy and was ready to embark on the next phase of his life. I will admit to having him travel to New York to see me, simply because deep down I wanted to believe that he was a better person than the one that I had known.

When he came here, he started picking on me right away. I wasn’t dressed well enough, I should start wearing makeup and I should stop dying my hair because he didn’t like it. I should quit eating meat and dairy so that I would lose weight. In my teen years, I battled Bulimia, and it took me a long time to be able to eat in front of others again and not worry if I would be judged on what I ate or how I ate it. This was something that I actually had to work out with a therapist after he left.

After he travelled back to North Carolina, my father asked me when he will be returning. Apparently, my father took with a shine to him. He told my father that he was a hard-working man who worked in a factory and had a lot of money. My father has always wanted me to find someone who was able to take care of me. He did this to get on my dad’s good side because my father owns land and this boy actually admitted to wanting the land. He assumes that my dad’s kindness was an automatic assumption that they were friends and that my dad was just going to surrender his property to him. This made me want to throw up. No one’s perfect, but this was just horrible.

He could manipulate someone I love, which means, of course, he can manipulate me.

I want you to know that if he insults you, remember that everyone is flawed but everyone is beautiful too. The people in the world who want to make others feel bad because of how they look or the things are accomplishing, are the ones who are not worth our time. These people are feeling insignificant enough that putting another person down will make them feel better.

Don’t feel like you somehow owe him if he tells you that you need to be physical with him. If you aren’t comfortable being physical, remember that is your choice. You can decide what to do with your body. He tried to guilt me into having sex with him, but I didn’t. I was faced with the same dilemma in my younger days. I gave in, and while it wasn’t rape I still feel as if I was violated, it still hurts.

Last time we talked, he said that you didn’t pay enough attention to him because you were in high school and you were doing things like participating in volunteer work and you’re part of the student council at your school.

If you’re even old enough to date him, just know he is 27 years old. He lied to me about a lot of things including his reasons for manipulating and physically harming me. When I left him, he threatened to kill himself. Don’t fall for that like I did. You have your whole life to find someone as awesome as you are.

Warmest Regards,
Keely

If you or someone you know is an abusive relationship or having suicidal thoughts, help is out there. Please follow the link below:

LoveisRespect.org