You can call me Russo. I am the infamous raccoon living in the Rough, next to the swamp, at Hole 4 of the Wild Golf & Country Club in Sarasota, Florida. The swamp offers me abundant food. Warm weather soothes me. Life shows its predictable face every day. Complaints don’t exist in my DNA. But, I miss one thing, having a sweetheart. If I find a true lover, or, as I think about this one, any lover, we will be able to attend the upcoming Valentine’s Dinner & Dance Party.

Bobcats, Panthers, and Deer, the organizers, have massive plans to hire professional performers and a live band. Dancers will fly across the floor, and singers will serenade couples. Aroused lovers holding paws will pause for the spark in each other’s eyes. A tasty five-course meal and an elaborate dessert spread will cause all to salivate and drool.

The way I see it, all I need is love, and you can help me find it in one of two ways. One, if you or someone you know wants to be with me, slip me a compelling note by Noon on February 14, 2022. Tell me why you think you will be my best new inamorata. I may choose you as my date. Also, gift you one of the pieces out of my esteemed collection of shimmery jewelry, lost to the Rough. In my experience, most two-legged creatures that lose an item to the Rough don’t return for it.

Or, if you are not a contender, you could nominate me as the party’s official photographer. And leave the rest to me. I will figure out the way to steal a lover. As an aside, I stole the camera from a two-legged creature guest visiting the club. A man’s got to do what he’s got to do, to be resourceful. Well…sometimes, anyway.

I am proud of my award-winning photos posted on the clubhouse’s bulletin board. Who knows? Your precious Valentine moment may hang next to my award. Either way, you have nothing to lose, and I have everything to gain.

PETITION

Nomination of Russo as the official photographer at Valentine’s Dinner & Dance Party, February 14, 2022.

We, the undersigned, affix our signatures in support of Russo’s petition to be the official photographer.