As They Say, It Is The Darkest Before The Dawn
2015 was a rough year for me. I’d graduated from college with my BA at the end of 2014, but was having a lot of trouble finding work in my field. Money was tight. My health was poor yet I had no health insurance so I couldn’t go to the doctor. I was eating my feelings left and right. Professionally, I took one of the hardest hits I’d ever experienced being fired from my job. I had been laid off but never fired. It hurt and took an emotional toll on me. I truly felt this sense that I wasn’t going to live to see 40.
But as they say, it is the darkest before the dawn.
I started working for the company I’m presently with as a contract employee, through a staffing agency at the end of 2015. In June 2016, I was hired full time and for a different skill set. Instead of inbound customer service and escalation support, I found myself shifting into the role of a technical writer. And with full-time work came benefits.
I slowly started getting my physical health in check. One of the biggest (no pun intended) obstacles was my weight. I topped the scale at 515 pounds. Physically, I was miserable, which in turn, caused my mental health to be terrible, too. I looked into the option of having weight loss surgery. I had the gastric sleeve surgery on August 2, 2017.
I started seeing my current therapist about three weeks after I had surgery. By this point, I knew I had a problem with using food as my drug of choice. I wanted my surgery to be successful so I needed to confront the issues causing my car to be littered with tons of fast-food wrappers.
During the course of our work together, I was diagnosed with depression, general anxiety, PTSD, and binge eating disorder. I spent about four months at the end of 2018 in an outpatient program for my eating disorder. I’ve done a lot of personal work on healing from childhood abuse and trauma. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life but given a choice I’d never go back to where I was. I still have work to do yet I’m living my best life right now.
And the fear I had five-years ago about not living to see 40? As of January 24, I made it! Now I can brightly turn my eyes toward the next 40 years and beyond.
I love your writing!