Neil Sedaka wasn’t wrong. Whether you’re at the giving end or the receiving end of the breakup, they’re trying. They hurt. And there’s a lot of pain and grief involved. Even if the break up is for “the best” the feelings that result are no less fraught.

Hearts feel broken. Feels feel frayed.

I’ve recently gone through a breakup and as I’ve trudged through the healing process, I’ve come to realize several things that I hope will help those going through something similar.

1. Don’t be afraid to cry!

Tears are essential to the healing process. No doubt they’re sometimes inconvenient, but allow them to come when they come. Tissues may be your best friend for as long as needed. Tears might be silent cheek rolls or great wracking sobs. Or something in between. Don’t hold them back. Don’t be afraid of them. Tears have a cleansing effect.

2. Reach out for support!

Amid a crisis, we often feel alone. We feel like nobody will understand or nobody will care. Trust me, your support system cares and they’ll help you through. It might be funny texts, inspirational memes, or the simple presence of them at your side during a walk or meal out.

3. Remember to eat!

Food is natural to dismiss when you’re in turmoil.  Eating balanced meals not only gives you something to focus on, but they are helping to the healing process.  If you’re always hungry or filling yourself with foods that aren’t the best for you, then the tendency is to assign additional blame that results from the breakup.  Healthy, nutritious foods fuel the body when the tank becomes empty and allows us to keep moving forward.

4. Self-care! Self-care!  Self-care!

I can’t stress the importance of this enough.  Self-care means different things for different people but whatever it means for you: DO IT!  If that is writing in a journal, or drawing, or reading, or going to a movie then partake in those things.  You are important.  You are worth it.  You must take care of yourself.

I leave you with a line from Lang Leav’s book Memories:

“And though I can’t promise it will get better anytime soon, I can tell you that it will – eventually.  For now, all you can do is take your time.  Take all the time you need.”