Mom,

Life is full of ups and downs, places that are both light and dark.  But I think the most important thing to remember is it is okay to be me. It’s okay to be selfish.  It’s okay to be adventurous.  It’s okay to be open-minded.  It’s okay to have faith.  It’s okay to stand for something that might be met with disapproval.  It’s okay to be studying all night and sleeping all day.  It’s okay to love myself as much as I love my neighbor. It’s okay to let my art do the talking.

It’s okay to be both forward-thinking, open-minded, and old-fashioned.

It’s okay to love both Marilyn Manson and Janis Joplin.  It’s okay to believe in something I can’t touch while believing in the power of nature, and my own hard work. It’s okay to be fragile and strong at the same time. It’s okay to keep secrets.  It’s okay to love animals as much as humans.

It’s okay to admit that I’m not a kid anymore. It’s okay to admit that I’m scared of failure. It’s okay to admit that I’m scared of rejection. It’s okay to admit that I’m ambivalent.

It’s okay to be a woman, who’s not sure if she wants a man. It’s okay to be both a feminist and a traditionalist. It’s okay to be both spiritual and scientifically curious.

It’s okay to admit that I’m leaving you. It’s okay to love Gerbera daisies and slasher films. It’s okay I love my family. It’s okay to leave them in pursuit of something better. It’s okay to live in New York and see hay bales from your window.

It’s okay to leave this dark place, with just the clothes on my back. It’s okay to have a bag my designer and old faded jeans. It’s okay to show my scars to the world, both mental and physical. It’s okay to forgive,  and still be angry sometimes. It’s okay to be forceful, and graceful. It’s okay to love and accept the one society has thrown away.

It’s because you taught me this I will be okay.

It’s because you taught me this that I know I can leave you.  It’s because you told me this that I know I’ll be okay.  I know that I can pack a bag and go West in pursuit of something better and leave behind everything that I was. I’ve done it once before, and I can do it again. As I’ve said I was in awe of all of the wonderful things I’ve learned from both the good and bad people in my life but more importantly you stood by me for my entire life.

You’ve always said that you were proud of the person that I turned into, and so am I.

I’ll be honest, Mom. I’m proud of the person that you became when you accepted that I wasn’t  your baby anymore.  I’m so glad that I became your friend.  And I know you’ll come visit me as often as you can, and I know you’ll send me selfies of my dogs as often as you can to make me smile.

I’m not afraid anymore. This time when I pack a backpack and hop into a big pickup truck, it will be for good. I will be heading westward,

I will always love you and cherish the fact that you became my friend.

Keely