The biggest epiphany I had was the realization that no one would save me but myself. I needed to stand up to the monsters in my brain. It fell to me to take control of my environment and decide whether to change or nourish it. No doctor or handbook existed to show the perfect way to live a healthy life.  The process would take work and constant trial and error. My perfectionist need to get things right the first time had to take a backseat to reality. Happiness wasn’t a permanent. I couldn’t be good at everything.

When the world shut down in 2020, I suddenly had the privilege of time to think. But reflecting wasn’t easy. My thoughts were overwhelming and I recognized the need for professional guidance. I assumed, much like my regular doctor, my therapist would heal me with the same ease. They would reveal the secrets to restore the happiness I lost to stress. There would be a guidebook of coping skills to help me overcome my discomfort. I started therapy and went to sessions every week. I studied self-help books. If there were a way to return to joy and comfort, I would find it by being an ideal student on my healing journey.

“No one is coming to save you,” my therapist said. A wave of shock rushed through me. How could she say that to me? Shouldn’t she have been the one providing solutions? I had experience with therapy but nothing like her. This woman was honest even when I didn’t want to hear it and she held an unshakable boundary not allowing me to use her as my crutch. Previous providers hindered me. Her refusal of outside session counseling allowed me to instill the needed self-confidence I lacked. I never felt more vulnerable in that moment. But those six words changed how I viewed therapy and my ability to heal forever.

I needed to hear those words. Only then did I find strength in my skills to care for myself. If that therapist had not shaken me back into reality, I would never have owned my strengths. Too often, I looked for the helpers. While that can be beneficial sometimes, it proved detrimental here. I’m glad for the tough love she gave me. It allowed me to step into my power and take charge of myself.

Some days, I still wish someone would hand me a blueprint for total happiness. But I know I can create that for myself. Each time I choose to pause or do something scared, I claim those victories. I am able to sit with big emotions and not fear their outcomes. There’s more independence in my day to day life and less codependency. I have self-awareness surrounding my people-pleasing tendencies and call them out rather than give into them.  I never found quick fixes to be the solution. My therapist didn’t abandon me with that revelation. She unlocked my self-trust. There was freedom in knowing that. No one is coming to save me, and that’s not a tragedy. It reminds me I’ve always had what I need within myself.

Editor: Lucy Cafiero