I cannot

There is no way

I cannot face

What happened today

I must do something

I must move quick

My heart beat is too fast

I feel quite sick

Something went wrong

Something’s amiss

It’s out of my control

Something I cannot fix.

I surf the web

I clutch my chest

Oh look, a new video

Oh look, the best way

To build a new bed frame

Made from pallets of wood

Oh look how to heal from

Traumas from childhood. 

Oh look, some cute kittens

Oh look, something funny

Oh look, a new pin

Oh, how to make money

I take a deep breath

I let go of my gown

I close my eyes

As I start to calm down

I lie to myself 

I say it’s okay

Over and over

Til the pain goes away